TAKE OUR KIDS, WE ARE BROKE

Jobless couple want to give up their unborn baby and 3 younger kids for adoption
Their MP says: Please don't do that, we'll try to help you

By Hedy Khoo
February 25, 2008

FACED with mounting expenses and debt, one family of seven could think of only one way to carry on: give some of their children away.


Mr S lim and his wife discovered she was pregnant two weeks ago. Mrs Lim suffers from depression and couple are unable to pay monethly instalments on their HDB flat. Picture: Hedy Khoo

Mr S Lim, 45, and his wife, 29, have five children.

Recently, they discovered to their dismay that MrsLim is pregnant again.

That was when they thought of giving up for adoption their three youngest children - aged 16 months, 4 and 6 years.

MrLim, who is jobless, has been struggling to feed his family.

The eldest two boys, aged 19 and 16, are from his previous marriage.

And the boys have been begging their parents not to break up the family.

As a result of their pleas, their three younger siblings may get to stay.

But the couple remain adamant about giving up their unborn child.

Said MrsLim: 'We don't have a choice. We are really struggling and we cannot manage. We won't be able to afford the diapers and milk powder for the new baby.'

MrLim said: 'It is a hard decision. We don't even know if it is a boy or girl, but it is still my child.'

The family lives in a four-room flat in Hougang which they bought in 1999.

The flat is clean, but sparsely furnished, with second-hand items given by relatives. The beige sofa in the living room is cracked and torn.

The Lims have mainly kept to themselves and nobody knew of their plans until Mr Lim e-mailed The New Paper on Sunday and the Chinese newspapers, appealing for help.

He wrote: 'It does not matter if we die but what will happen to the children? Thinking back, we really should not have kept all these children in the first place.'

But thanks to his MP's intervention, the family may no longer need to resort to such a drastic measure. (See report on facing page.)

While the three children are too young to understand what's happening, the two older boys were upset when they found out their parents' intentions.

Mr Lim's 16-year-old son told The New Paper on Sunday: 'I know they are only my half-siblings, but it doesn't matter. I changed their diapers when they were young and I helped look after them when my step-mum had to go to work.

'I'd rather continue to suffer and get less to eat as long as we stay together as a family.

'If my parents still choose to give away my younger brothers and sister, I will leave this home too.'

His 19-year-old brother, an ITE student, added that he had argued with his parents over this matter.

But he agrees with his parents' decision to give up their unborn child for adoption.

'It's a pity that the new baby won't have the chance to be part of our family, but I would want the new child to get a better life,' he said.

'It is the best solution, and we must be practical about this.

'Life has been hard for all of us, and I wouldn't want another child to suffer with us, even though I feel it is still a loss of a family member.'

Mr Lim and his wife claimed to have used contraceptives, and said all four pregnancies were unexpected.

'When I found out I was pregnant again two weeks ago, I felt depressed at the thought of an additional mouth to feed,' she said.

'I won't consider abortion because it is not fair that this child does not get a chance to live just because we cannot afford to keep it.'

ON THE RUN
Mrs Lim said she had seen a doctor in 2006, after her third child was born, to undergo sterilisation.

'The doctor advised me against it because he said I was too young, and I might regret it later,' she said.

The Lims' financial woes started in 2001 when Mr Lim, who ran several noodle stalls, was arrested for hiring Chinese nationals illegally.

He jumped bail and was on the run for three years until he surrendered in 2004 and was jailed for a year.

Said Mr Lim: 'During the three years that I was on the run, my family were with me, and my children couldn't go to school.

'After my daughter was born, I decided to surrender as I didn't want my children to continue living unstable lives.'

During that period, Mrs Lim was depressed due to the overwhelming financial and family problems.

SELL FLAT?
The Lims are saddled by another problem at the moment.

They have not paid their monthly housing instalments of $1,360 for 19months and have received a letter from HDB advising them to sell their flat.

Mrs Lim had been unable to work as she has been on medication and counselling for depression since 2002.

In 2006, she plunged into post-natal depression, and Mr Lim decided to hire a maid to watch over his wife and to look after the children.

'Somebody had to be at home to watch over my wife while I go to work,' he said.

But the maid will be leaving at the end of the month as the Lims can no longer afford her salary.

In September last year, when her depression stabilised, Mrs Lim found a job as a clerk.

However, the work stress caused her depression to worsen again and she quit her job in November.

She is now studying for a diploma in business administration with a grant from the CDAC. She hopes to graduate in July next year.

Mr Lim, when he was released in 2005, worked as a hawker's assistant, and last year, tried to run his own foodstall.

'I tried to start my own business in the hope of getting more income, but I ended up with more debts,' he said.

He had to give up the business within two months.

He is now trying to look for a job as a cook or hawker's assistant.

'I am not afraid of hard work. I can work 16 hours a day, I don't mind. I just need a job,' said Mr Lim.

'I don't womanise or gamble, all I want is a chance to give my family a better life.'

He feels he has failed as a father and husband.

'I should keep my family together, but I cannot give my children a good childhood, and my wife has to suffer with me,' he said.

'We just hope to find a good family to adopt our unborn child and give it a better life than we can.

'My wife has cried many nights over this and we lost sleep over this decision, but we have do it.'

But help is at hand for the Lims after The New Paper on Sunday brought the family's case to the attention of their MP, Mr Yeo Guat Kwang.

He said Mr Lim had earlier sought help from the Northeast Community Development Council.

Mr Yeo, who took up the Lims' case immediately, said: 'The fact that he has been granted assistance from the CDC demonstrates that he is aware of the channel he could have approached for help.

'I am surprised that he did not seek help again when he ran into more problems subsequently.'

'We will try our best to solve their financial issues and to help the children.'

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I DON'T WANT THEM TO CONSIDER ADOPTION: MP
ADOPTION should not be considered even as a last resort, said Aljunied GRC MP Yeo Guat Kwang.

'My belief is no parent would want to give up their children for adoption,' said Mr Yeo. 'I still want to explore more ways to help them obtain assistance. I don't want them to consider adoption.'

Last Tuesday, soon after The New Paper on Sunday contacted Mr Yeo regarding the Lims' plight, his grassroots leaders visited the family.

Ms Anna Toh, senior constituency manager for the Aljunied-Hougang Constituency Office, said MrLim was concerned about how he could continue to take care of his children, with his mounting debt, especially in HDB mortgage payments.

ALREADY GETTING HELP
North East CDC has a record on the family as since 2002, Mrs Lim has been under full Medifund assistance for her treatment at the Institute of Mental Health.

The family also received some monetary assistance, including a subsidy of $430 under the Childcare Financial Assistance Scheme.

The Convenant Family Service Centre has been counselling the family and giving them milk powder and grocery vouchers.

It was unaware of the Lims wanting to give up their children for adoption.

Mr Yeo said some families faced problems such as unemployment which are beyond the purview of the CDC. But agencies, such as the Work Care Agents, may be able to help.

Said Mr Yeo: 'The Work Care Agent will help to understand Mr Lim's situation and coordinate with other assistance schemes to bring relief to his family.'

Mr Yeo noted that in some cases, the problem of unemployment could be due to family conditions or poor health.

Ms Toh said Mrs Lim would be referred to the Tze Hng Wellness Studio to seek further help for her depression.

Help is also being arranged for the Lims' children, with the CDC working with their schools to provide financial assistance.

Mr Lim is not eligible for the Home Ownership Plus Education scheme as he has more than two children.

The scheme helps low-income families get out of the poverty trap by keeping their families small. It provides cash grants, educational bursaries for the children and mentoring support.

Mr Yeo said he has also put in an appeal to the HDB on behalf of Mr Lim.

In response to queries on the case, HDB said Mr Lim had been allowed to defer his mortgage payment for six months and was put on a reduced monthly instalments scheme on two occasions and his repayment period has already been extended to the maximum period of 25 years.

Said an HDB spokesman: 'Despite these measures, Mr Lim was still unable to cope and could not make the necessary monthly payments. It is therefore not in Mr Lim's interest to hold on to the flat without making any payment as interest will continue to accumulate on the outstanding amount.'

HDB therefore recommends that Mr Lim consider other more viable options such as selling his four-room flat or staying with his relatives until his financial position improves.

The spokesman added that the HDB is prepared to consider giving Mr Lim a loan to buy a smaller flat if he can cope with the monthly instalment based on his income.

Mr Lim said he was pleasantly surprised by the visits by the grassroots leaders.

He said: 'I am embarrassed at having to ask for financial help because I am able-bodied, and I want to find a job.

'I feel relieved that I have a chance to work things out, and that the help came very swiftly.

'If possible, I would like to find two jobs to earn more, as I am not afraid of long hours.'

Mr Lim also said he will think hard about his decision to give up his unborn child.