mazdaspeedz

I really hope some advice would be given to me ...... Please bear with me thanks

My girlfriend is a very defensive person and she get pissed and angry easily cause of her past hurt with her ex. I never blame her and try to open her up emotionally and hope she can get back that trust and don’t want me to be as that perfect and covers all the bad past.

I had to be really careful in what I do as the slightest thing will trigger it off. I know its hard but there is something that makes me like her a lot like the way she dress, the way she treat her bf ..etc etc… it is all good but any time something she felt wrong, it will be all a different story.

I really hate it why do I have to know her at this time as it seems so hard….how I wish I have known her before her ex. We had an argument in which close to breaking up and we did not meet or chat for about a wk or so. She was saying she needs some time for herself. Its had been really hard on me and the part I think I did wrong is that I still msg her and I think this irritate her more.

After a wk of pulling myself through I managed to ask her out to go catch a movie and she agreed. I was asking her in the car if she still wants to be together, but her respond was simply its hard, and feelings gone its hard to come back. She felt that I am too much of a resemblance to her ex and I keep assuring her that no matter how angry I am I had never scolded her or scold vulgarities and certainly not beat her up. I do not know why she had to compare me to a bastard like her ex in which treat her so bad. She then later says that im a smooth talker like him and always very impulsive in which resemble him a lot. She also fear that in future I might be the same and hurt her. I am so sad when she told me all this, I have never at once raise my voice no matter she is being super unreasonable.

I actually screw it up again when she told me in the car before going to the movies that its hard and when feeling is gone it is hard to come back. I did something really stupid and I really regretted it. I took out our photos in my wallet and her name card and pass it back to her. I also removed our photos in my hp as i think its over. She was pissed and walk away and msg me that this time she really left and sorry she cant be with me anymore. She say that she wants to accomapany me but im hopeless and she gave up and left.

I later then found out that she still had feelings for me or else she wont want even to go out with me. Why am I so impulsive and shallow?. Why she cant just tell me how she feels? To my thinking at that time I just hoping she will reconsider on us after she tell me there isn’t any chance left. Why cant she tell me we still have a chance and why I cant see and dammit why I must do such thing. I really hate myself and thinking of ending my life that day…..i got back a chance and I screw it up again. I really hate myself.
I dont know why i still love her so much and keep making mistakes... i just so damm useless. I really dont know what to do now. Plus i am going overseas and work also...so damm stress out

diesopain

From the looks of things, i think the girl has lose hope or given up in finding true love for this i recommend a song play it in the car enjoy....hopefully this ll' tell her how u feel LOL

its a chinese song hopefully u are chinese LOL


歌名：爱情程式 ai qing cheng shi
歌手：范逸臣 fan yi chen

两个原来陌生的名字
寂寞的公因数
是什么样子
我们受过的伤
在困难的考试
时间用它的方法
计算出爱的公式
爱情是怎样的两个字
未来乘以命运
等于是也许
我们用眼泪选择
分手的方式
你站在孤单门口
丢掉以后的钥匙
这是我的爱情程式
你的心别死
走出伤心的半径
再去爱一次
但愿你为了自己试一试
带走我的爱情程式
我要送给你
把回忆当作一面
诚实的镜子
从前那些日子
不是一张白纸
这世界还很大
请相信还有爱
相信永恒没有消失
也许我们已是过去式
思念加上距离
答案在风里
在掌心写下了
我爱你三个字
我愿意放弃永远
只要你重新开始

lol itz superb meaningful for ur situation =X

mazdaspeedz

Ya....thks ...I really hope we can be together again...or even just friends..It just hurts so much not having her around

diesopain

the english translation is of the song title is
formula for love

basically is about this guy giving his formula for love to the girl
dun let her heart die because of the incident....
walk out of her sad memories
try to love again
hopefully she for her own sake try one more time

treat those memories as a honest mirror and not a white sheet of paper

this world is big
please believe in love
believe that forever is not lost

maybe we two are the past
missing u plus distances
answer is the wind....
i write i love you this three words on my palm
i m' willing to give up forever as long as u start all over again


sum translation very difficult so i juz translate the key points

BeaR*BeaR

Walao , Being in a relationship is not easy lo . you cannot be like this in your own selfish way. u need to think of her feeling too mah . i know you also don't feel good . but girls always put it first when comes to feeling before yours . This kind of thing you have to give in . that's what love is . you give in , she knows it , she appreciate it. then she know your the one . then she will really depend on you mah . its part of process .., even she don't show it .then you can show to her . tell her that your paitence with her .let her know you try hard for her..

for now , this situation really bad ...and your temper like this . maybe ask for cooling down for awhile ....then really give an answer , otherwise it will get very ugly.. and during the cooling down . tell her that you will change and do your very best. just do your best for now ..otherwise let her go lah.. but i guess still got chances ... so yea jyjy

mazdaspeedz

Ya....Thanks guys....

It looks very ugly and she already ignored me. she is pretty and got many suitors. I just dunno if she will still cling it on to this. i really try alot of ways to assure her again and really regret on the things i did. I told her that hope we can still be friends and give me another chance to prove to her...but i guess nothing sink in to her now. I really dunno what to do and how i can prove to her again.

i never cried so much in my life and wanting to change so much. I dunno why i will fall for her so much and misses her so very much.

BeaR*BeaR

If its meant to be she will be back to you

if she gave you one chances to meet up for a talk . Do your best, let it out .

together or not . respect her choices.

pweeapw

sry to hear abt this mazda...

in situations like this, i'd advice these few things if my friends were going through this... if you can, talk to her and tell her what really happened... if not then leave her a letter or an sms of how you really feel... DO NOT message her or call her non-stop... i know it's going to be hard... but what you want to do here is to clarify and say you're sorry... not harass her and further push her away...

whatever happens next is out of your control... you just have to do your best with what you have... if she's not blinded too much by her past and can see you for what's real that she'll give you another chance... if not then i guess you'll just have to accept it...

having said that... i do know that it's not ez being with someone who holds on to the past... something you'll need to think about too... i'm saying this because if you find it hard to condition yourself now... imagine how it's going to be like in the next 10yrs... should you be planning that far... also, hoping that she'll be able to let go of her past is fine, but do not expect her to change... i just might never happen... and then you're stuck with just a fantasy and will be disappointed...

all the best and hope everything turns out right for you...

inle

i m wonderin if u r imaginin tat she still haf feelings 4 u????

move on...
since u haf not treated her well...
wz all due respect....
i think u haf been impulsive n a jerk like urself surely dun deserve her...
u not only display impusive, u display ur temper, ur childishness n handlin relationship wz her...
dun blame her ex, her, her suitors etc, u r solely to be blame for wat u haf done....
accept this responsiibilties n the mess u made n faced the consquences...

unless she really really LOVE u a lot, u can 4get about it...
so how deeply in love r both of u????

tat mite b ur only chance left...

pardon me for the harsh language...
becos i cant stand men behavin so ungemtlemanly towards gals, esp those they claimed to love so much...

finaldust

If it is ur, 4ever it is ur. If not ur no matter how hard u hold also not ur.

to fall in love is always easy
to start a relationship is always simple
to build it, is always tough
to maintain it, is 'better said than done'
to break off, is 'easier said than done'
to remain friends after u broke off, is never possible
to forget the memories is 'always doing but never succeeding'
to heal the pain within is hard and tough and never near simple
but one has to try to heal your own heart...

mazdaspeedz

Thanks alot guys...I also wish something good comes out of it.

since u haf not treated her well...
wz all due respect....
i think u haf been impulsive n a jerk like urself surely dun deserve her...
u not only display impusive, u display ur temper, ur childishness n handlin relationship wz her...
dun blame her ex, her, her suitors etc, u r solely to be blame for wat u haf done....
accept this responsiibilties n the mess u made n faced the consquences...
-- Just to add that this only happen to me during this 1 week and it has been hell for me as i cant think right. I do not know about you but for a week not chatting or seeing someone you love suddenly drives me not being myself and insane. I did not mention that all this time with her, I always put her first and treated her the best. I gave her space to do her things and nothing of what you have mention above. it is only during this period of time that i being a idiot and i regreted it. I simply cannot think right at this moment.

STAN

Dude i know how u feel..
It hurts knowing the person u love alot isnt going to be close with you anymore.
It hurts knowing that she wanted to gave you a chance and yet u lose it.
It hurts knowing that shes always comparing you to her ex.
and i know it hurts even more after u realised that there are things that you shouldnt haven done.


I used to be in that situation... but now we are okay.. i gave her and myself sometime to sort it out.
Things i can advice u is that..
Maybe u can try to talk to her again...
Chat with her.. Call her.. Msg her..
Try to re-live the days when u guys first met each other..
Give urself time... when u noe the time is ripe.. try and ask her out..
Bring her to her favourite place..
Say ur heart feelings out..
tell her how u felt all along..
tell her how much u missed her..
how much ur hurted when she left u on that day
and how much u wan her to be back in ur life again..
It all depends on you now..
Dun be so impulsive.. I am also a victim of always acting in impulse.
THINK before u act. Be tactful with your words and put urself in her shoes.
If you really love her.. i believe you would wanna change too.
Thats all i could say..
anyways keep us updated aite ?

Good luck man.
You will need it

"Love is life, if you missed love, you missed life."

simplepris

leave her alone for a while. she needs to sort out her thoughts.. (impt: but pls make her understand that u are doing this cos u want the best for her.. and that u still loves her and will be waiting for her until she comes to u and tell u that she's ready. if not, she may misunderstand that u are giving up on her..!!)

anyway, absense makes the heart fonder, u know? if she's not ready for a new r/s.. (which she obviously isnt ready, since she kept associating u with her ex..) then u gotta be patient.. if the timing's right, u and her probably would have many happy times together.. but if the timing's wrong, the feelings would be 'killed' b4 they have enough time to further evolve into smth stronger..

i guess i can sorta understand how she feels, having gone thr a recent breakup myself.. just that my ex wasnt abusive lah! haiz, ur problem is the very reason why i'm not accepting any new guy in my (love) life for now.. this kinda problem is very common for ppl who rush into new r/s just after their recent breakups bah.. after reading ur story, i guess i made a wise choice.. heehee~

haiz. i always feel that no matter how peaceful the breakup was.. as long as one had truly loved before, the breakup is bound to inflict some significant emotional injuries to ur heart.. not forgetting some pre and post breakup heartaches, fears and confusion as well.. and all these emotional injuries tend clouded the person's judgement towards love..

but i guess no harm dropping some smses and phone calls occassionally to remind her that u still care for her and u'll be waiting for her with open arms when she manage to let go of her past and is really ready to entrust her love to u.

generally girls are quite soft-hearted de lah.. or is it just me? haha! it happened to me almost all the time.. some shit happened.. i got angry, pissed, upset.. so i would think.. ok, i give up on him! each time i seriously think that way.. really! but after a while.. erm.. *awkward coughing*

i'm not sure what exactly happened between u and her.. so my analysis may not be very accurate.. but do be understanding, sweet, patient.. and dun give up so easily.. if u love her!

p/s: if i were the girl, i rather u buck up and do some sweet stuff to win back my love.. rather than u regretting ur past stupid actions.. besides, have u really lost her love totally? maybe not..? i dunno for her.. but for me.. after my recent breakup, i gotta admit.. i tend to take the easy way out.. if a new guy whom i care abt has hurt my feelings, instinctively i would hide back into my 'shell' and convince myself that i dun like him.. i guess i just wanna withdraw my feelings at the 1st sight of trouble.. b4 i sink deeper and get even more hurt.

but the thing is.. is it really that easy to manipulate our own feelings..? if it's so easily done.. then this love & r/s section would be quite empty already.. lolx!

hmm.. normally i'm mature and mentally strong enough to handle most emotional hurt.. but for now, i really cant.. (my heart's screwed up.. sometimes even i dun understand my own feelings..) maybe she's feeling the same way as me too?

hope this is useful.. ^^

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Team Member --- simplepris aka Simple Bear Bear

mazdaspeedz

Thanks alot guyz....This helps alot

Stanstan

Dude, u're already gd enough, by showing u're a world different apart from her ex bf. The reason why u reacted this way is simply because no matter how hard u tried, she just seems to be insecure. U hate urself for being not able to convince her. And in addition, since she's quite pretty, that dampens your trust in whether she's really getting haunted by her past or simply making up an excuse to leave u. If i'm u, i probably would have done the same thing & then regret later on.

This is not an advice. Just putting myself in your shoes now. If I were u , I will ask her to gimme a chance to say what I want, If after all the confess,apology & stuff yet she's still unconvinced, I would rather walk away & move on. I always believe in 'it takes 2 hand to clap' , you can never gain happiness for urself if u're the only one putting effort to salvage this r/s. It wont end up the way u wanted it to be.

Gd luck dude, u seems to be a nice guy, she's stupid if she didnt treasure u & regret later on

s t a n

mazdaspeedz

if i were the girl, i rather u buck up and do some sweet stuff to win back my love.. rather than u regretting ur past stupid actions.. besides, have u really lost her love totally? maybe not..? i dunno for her.. but for me.. after my recent breakup, i gotta admit.. i tend to take the easy way out.. if a new guy whom i care abt has hurt my feelings, instinctively i would hide back into my 'shell' and convince myself that i dun like him.. i guess i just wanna withdraw my feelings at the 1st sight of trouble.. b4 i sink deeper and get even more hurt

This is exactly like her... Now i see a bigger picture thanks....as to me some things are really small and close to nothing, but to her it might be some big issues that she will take it to heart. Like what you have stated above, what should i do more to assure her?

Thanks Thanks

mazdaspeedz

Thank you all for all the great advice...Im glad that i came here. It really show me alot more aspect to this. Thank You

Vitro_tan

"I later then found out that she still had feelings for me or else she wont want even to go out with me. "
how do you found out actually? just ur feelings? or she said to ur face?
u can find the answers based on this question

Vitro_tan