Several Jokes in One Thread

**deedee** · 19-10-2006, 02:01 PM

To save myself from keep posting too many new threads in a day... here's some jokes for today~ :biggrin4:

A Toast to Fertility
A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence!... This is a special day for me; I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man.

They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."

"That's great!" says the woman, "how did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replied.

"What a coincidence!" she said.

Sperm Count
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:

"Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing".

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open."

What the Mind Percieve
A Primary School teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the Primary 1. My sister is in Primary 3 and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in Primary 3 too!"

The teacher took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal that the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the Primary 1, and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in. The conditions were explained, and Harry agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a Primary 1 student should know.

The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to Primary 3."

The teacher says to the principal, "May I ask him some tougher questions?"

The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two?"

Harry: "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
(The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)

Harry: "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, and it is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
(The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Coconut."

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Harry: "Bubblegum."

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and dog do on three legs?"
(The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Shake hands."

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I??

Harry: "A Tent."

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." What am I??
(Principal was looking restless and a bit tense)

Harry: "A Wedding Ring."

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, I feel good." What am I??

Harry: "A Nose."

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I??"

Harry: "An Arrow."

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put this ass in Primary 6 ! I got the last 10 questions all wrong myself."

**deedee** · 19-10-2006, 02:58 PM

**.phoenixity.** · 20-10-2006, 01:15 AM

lol.......... wth~~~

actually u should start new thread everytime. earn money leh dey~

**wangzi<3** · 20-10-2006, 02:16 AM

-_-"

teaching her the wrong stuff..

**deedee** · 20-10-2006, 06:50 AM

LOL! thanks for your advice~~

funnysnow · 20-10-2006, 09:30 AM

LOL! that funny..

**Wenzi** · 20-10-2006, 02:29 PM

	Quote:			Originally Posted by .phoenixity.
	lol.......... wth~~~ actually u should start new thread everytime. earn money leh dey~

This is a wrong thing to do in this forum.. sounds like cheating money..:notimpressed2:

**xiiaojjace** · 22-10-2006, 06:54 AM

wah lao the zhao ju one sho funnie. esp 7 n 8. =.=

**.phoenixity.** · 22-10-2006, 07:51 PM

lol ok i rephrase..

its difficult to read the many jokes in one thread.^^

**deedee** · 03-11-2006, 02:47 PM

i'm aware some jokes are repeats but i'm not gonna spend time scan ALL the threads to see which are repeats and delete them... where got so much time?! LOL~ so here goes...

**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.

**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
**********
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
**********
Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad
got heart attack & our driver ran away.

**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, i'm confident. Your friend is also my son,
that's confidential!

**********
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we
should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints... --

**deedee** · 03-11-2006, 02:48 PM

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist,
"Hello, could you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner
and I think I may be in with a chance!" The pharmacist gives him the condom
and the young man leaves.

He soon returns and says, "Give me another condom because my
girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a
provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there
too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom, and as the boy is leaving
he turns back and says, "Go on, give me one more condom because my
girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes
eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, think she is expecting me to make a
move!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left,
the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the
boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and
thank you for all you give us."

A minute later the boy is still praying; "Thank you Lord for your kindness."

Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.

The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more
surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says in his ear,
"I didn't know you were so religious."

The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"

**deedee** · 03-11-2006, 02:48 PM

Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?
Ah Chek : Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up
to the 'nee'(breast) one.

--------------------------------------------------

Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it
to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new
car to his girlfriend. "This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Somemore hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let metry! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the &
gt; accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"*

--------------------------------------------------

The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats.
So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters
to make room for women and children.
To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then camethe Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came
up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."

--------------------------------------------------

Santa Singh just graduated from Law school and decided to
apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm" During
the interview, Mr. Lee looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for a
while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with my
wife." And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. Lee's
wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with
surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!"
So Mr Lee told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request for
another interview and Lee said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you
that we only hire.......' when Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I
know, I know. I have just changed my name.
Mr Lee looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked,"What is your new name
then?" On this, Santa Singh replied, 'Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!'
(Manga-Li)

**deedee** · 03-11-2006, 02:49 PM

A gas station was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign
saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local guy pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his
free
sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed
correctly, he would get his free sex. The guy then guessed 8, and the
proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this
time."
A week later, the sameguy, along with a friend, pulled in for a fill-up.
Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same
story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The guy guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away,
the guy said to his friend, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't
really give away free sex."
His friend replied, "No it ain't, rigged --- my wife won twice last week!!"

**deedee** · 03-11-2006, 02:49 PM

One day, there is an American, one Italian, a Singaporean and Bangladeshi
travel around on a private helicopter.

After about one hour traveling, the American take out his cigarette
(Dunhill) lighted it up and start smoking after two sip, he throw the
balance of the cigarette.
The others three persons surprise and ask "Why didn't you finish-up the
cigarette before throwing ?"
He reply arrogantly: "There is a lot of cigarette in my country."

Half an hour later the Italian take a bottle of branded perfume and apply
on him and the rest he throw out of the window. The other three persons was
surprised and ask "Why did you throw away the perfume? "
The Italian reply also: "There is alot of perfume in my country."

The Singaporean don't know what to do & suddenly push that Bangladeshi
out of the helicopter.
The other two person was shouted crazily
"Why did you push him !!!!!!!??????"
The Singaporean say slowly: "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my country."

Everybody keep quiet and stayed away from the Singaporean.

19-10-2006, 02:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
deedee deedeelicious Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 565 iTrader: (0) Gender: Zodiac Sign: Country: Location: West SGC$: 91.30 Bank: 0.00 Total SGC$: 91.30	Several Jokes in One Thread To save myself from keep posting too many new threads in a day... here's some jokes for today~ :biggrin4: A Toast to Fertility A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence!... This is a special day for me; I'm celebrating." "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman. "What a coincidence," says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!" "What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "That's great!" says the woman, "how did your chickens become fertile?" "I switched cocks," he replied. "What a coincidence!" she said. Sperm Count An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing". The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open." What the Mind Percieve A Primary School teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the Primary 1. My sister is in Primary 3 and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in Primary 3 too!" The teacher took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal that the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the Primary 1, and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in. The conditions were explained, and Harry agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9" Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36" And so it went with every question the principal thought a Primary 1 student should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to Primary 3." The teacher says to the principal, "May I ask him some tougher questions?" The principal and Harry both agree. Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two?" Harry: "Legs." Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!) Harry: "Pockets." Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants." Teacher: "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, and it is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...) Harry: "Coconut." Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" Harry: "Bubblegum." Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and dog do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...) Harry: "Shake hands." Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?" Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do." Who am I?? Harry: "A Tent." Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." What am I?? (Principal was looking restless and a bit tense) Harry: "A Wedding Ring." Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, I feel good." What am I?? Harry: "A Nose." Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I??" Harry: "An Arrow." Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck." The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put this ass in Primary 6 ! I got the last 10 questions all wrong myself." ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ I'm a fat ass, motivate me! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ Last edited by deedee : 19-10-2006 at 02:01 PM.

19-10-2006, 02:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
deedee deedeelicious Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 565 iTrader: (0) Gender: Zodiac Sign: Country: Location: West SGC$: 91.30 Bank: 0.00 Total SGC$: 91.30	♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ I'm a fat ass, motivate me! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

20-10-2006, 01:15 AM	#3 (permalink)
.phoenixity. Moderator Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,784 iTrader: (6) My Mood: Gender: Zodiac Sign: Country: Location: Tampines SGC$: 58.25 Bank: 523.91 Total SGC$: 582.16	lol.......... wth~~~ actually u should start new thread everytime. earn money leh dey~ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Woud you lie with me and just forget the world? ♥ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Do support the SGC Charity! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Support me! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

20-10-2006, 06:50 AM	#5 (permalink)
deedee deedeelicious Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 565 iTrader: (0) Gender: Zodiac Sign: Country: Location: West SGC$: 91.30 Bank: 0.00 Total SGC$: 91.30	LOL! thanks for your advice~~ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ I'm a fat ass, motivate me! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

20-10-2006, 09:30 AM	#6 (permalink)
funnysnow Experienced SGClubber Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 8,399 iTrader: (1) Gender: Zodiac Sign: Country: Location: Singapore SGC$: 802.68 Bank: 0.17 Total SGC$: 802.85	LOL! that funny.. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

20-10-2006, 02:16 AM	#4 (permalink)
wangzi<3 Experienced SGClubber Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 2,926 iTrader: (0) Gender: Zodiac Sign: Country: Location: Jurong West SGC$: 804.50 Bank: 0.00 Total SGC$: 804.50	-_-" teaching her the wrong stuff..

22-10-2006, 06:54 AM	#8 (permalink)
xiiaojjace Experienced SGClubber Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 5,022 iTrader: (0) Gender: Zodiac Sign: Country: Location: .+.[[ kkallangg ]].+. SGC$: 201.79 Bank: 541.08 Total SGC$: 742.87	wah lao the zhao ju one sho funnie. esp 7 n 8. =.= To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 棒棒堂 Lollipop Fanclub To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

22-10-2006, 07:51 PM	#9 (permalink)
.phoenixity. Moderator Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,784 iTrader: (6) My Mood: Gender: Zodiac Sign: Country: Location: Tampines SGC$: 58.25 Bank: 523.91 Total SGC$: 582.16	lol ok i rephrase.. its difficult to read the many jokes in one thread.^^ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Woud you lie with me and just forget the world? ♥ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Do support the SGC Charity! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Support me! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

03-11-2006, 02:47 PM	#10 (permalink)
deedee deedeelicious Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 565 iTrader: (0) Gender: Zodiac Sign: Country: Location: West SGC$: 91.30 Bank: 0.00 Total SGC$: 91.30	i'm aware some jokes are repeats but i'm not gonna spend time scan ALL the threads to see which are repeats and delete them... where got so much time?! LOL~ so here goes... ******** Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ??? No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints. ****** Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend to death. Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends". ****** Three Feelings: What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant. ****** Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother" Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER" ****** What is the definition of Mistress? Someone between the Mister and Mattress ****** Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE?? "Without Information Fighting Everytime" Wife replies," No, It means , "With Idiot For Ever !!!" ****** Teacher: u know the importance of period? Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away. ****** Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential Dad says, you are my son, i'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential! ******** Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex. Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know. Mother Faints... -- ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ I'm a fat ass, motivate me! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

03-11-2006, 02:48 PM	#11 (permalink)
deedee deedeelicious Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 565 iTrader: (0) Gender: Zodiac Sign: Country: Location: West SGC$: 91.30 Bank: 0.00 Total SGC$: 91.30	A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!" The pharmacist gives him the condom and the young man leaves. He soon returns and says, "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom, and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says, "Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, think she is expecting me to make a move! During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us." A minute later the boy is still praying; "Thank you Lord for your kindness." Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, "I didn't know you were so religious." The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!" ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ I'm a fat ass, motivate me! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

03-11-2006, 02:48 PM	#12 (permalink)
deedee deedeelicious Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 565 iTrader: (0) Gender: Zodiac Sign: Country: Location: West SGC$: 91.30 Bank: 0.00 Total SGC$: 91.30	Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh? Ah Chek : Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one. -------------------------------------------------- Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend. "This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!" "Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian. "Somemore hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!" So Ah Lian said, "Let metry! I wan, I wan!" So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the & gt; accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post. "Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng. "Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"* -------------------------------------------------- The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room for women and children. To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped. To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied. To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed. To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged. Then camethe Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped." -------------------------------------------------- Santa Singh just graduated from Law school and decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm" During the interview, Mr. Lee looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife." And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. Lee's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!" So Mr Lee told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection. Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request for another interview and Lee said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you that we only hire.......' when Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I know, I know. I have just changed my name. Mr Lee looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked,"What is your new name then?" On this, Santa Singh replied, 'Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!' (Manga-Li) ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ I'm a fat ass, motivate me! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

03-11-2006, 02:49 PM	#13 (permalink)
deedee deedeelicious Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 565 iTrader: (0) Gender: Zodiac Sign: Country: Location: West SGC$: 91.30 Bank: 0.00 Total SGC$: 91.30	A gas station was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local guy pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The guy then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time." A week later, the sameguy, along with a friend, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The guy guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, the guy said to his friend, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex." His friend replied, "No it ain't, rigged --- my wife won twice last week!!" ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ I'm a fat ass, motivate me! ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡