The Royal Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement
bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement, a bonus of £1,000 for every
inch measured in a straight line between any two points on his body. The officer got to
choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the
tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the
tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with £96,000.
The third one was a grizzly, old, long-in-the-tooth Sea King pilot who, when asked where
he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my willy to my testicles." It was
suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice
big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old boy insisted
and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical
officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed him to "drop 'em", which he did. The medical
officer placed the tape measure on the tip of his willy and began to work back. "Dear
Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"
The old boy calmly replied "The Falklands".
Royal Navy 
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