Esther

I got to know this guy from an art course hold by my school. He is one of the instructors or rather lecturer who taught us art. Me and a guy fren of mine then volunteer ourselves to help them re design a place in my school. And so, from there me and this guy got to know one another more. Exchanged numbers and blah... I'm a Chinese and he is a Malay-muslim. He is older than me by 3yrs old. I understand a little of malay lang. He knew it too. He is a heavy smoker, wherelse i'm not even a smoker. He have got 2 ex-gfs but both cheated on him. As time past, we got to know each other more and more. He got into NS and we chatted on phones several nights or rather most of the nights. One day, he sms me telling me that he like me. Well, of cause I do feel the same for him. But I'm not prepare for a relationship. And he told me that he is not prepare for a relationship too. Because of NS, his pay is not very stable. Or rather, not able to even survive on own so he doesn't want to have a relationship yet. And also because he planned to go for private "O" after NS as he want to be an air-steward and from there he wants to make his way up to a pilot. I kinda understand his concern towards his future. I feel happy for him when I heard it from him. And here's the problems... We always try to go out together on weekends. When we go out together, he behaves like as if we are one couple in people's eyes. And whenever he talks to me, regardless whether is on the phone or face to face, he tends to make me feel as if we are together. There's once when we went out together, he carried me up for no reasons. (NOT on any denial that I enjoy this kind of feelings at times; feeling as if together but not together) He have already introduced me to his family members. But I'm only known as a friend of his to his friends and families. His mum also knows about his plans for his future. He always tries to make me pick choices. He always tries to make me take the first move. There's once he stop calling and smsing me. I waited for weeks, just for him to get back into contact with me. But he did not. So I took the initative to sms him first. Then he called to told me that he is having his NS tests. So we lessen our chat times. Then back to normal again after his tests. On 30 dec 06, he called me and we chatted the whole night. He asked me whether want to go out on 31 dec 06. So I'd asked him where are we going to. He told me CHJIMES. But I wanted to go Woodlands as my friend is dancing for the countdown down party over there. I knew that he doesn't like Woodlands. But I was hoping that because of me, he will go to countdown with me over there. But he told me that he will consider about it before we hang up the phone. The next day, 31 dec 06, he sms-ed me asking me out. I asked him where are we going and is he still insisting on going CHJIMES. He told me yes that he wants to go CHJIMES and he said that is okay if I don't wanna go. So I'd replied that I'm sorry I'm not going. And from there, we stop contacting each other. Everyday, I'm thinking of him. Not sure whether if he does. I wanted to contact him but I'm tired of always making the first move. I got to know that he have already P.O.P from NS through one of my friend. I was real upset, cause he told me that he will inform me if he P.O.P, but he did not. So, I really can't take it. I sms him saying "Hey! Where have you been, have not heard from you. Wanna come out?" Well, it took him some times to answer. In the end we got to meet up together. As usual, he likes me to look into his eyes when talking to him. He told me things that happended when we aren't contacting for those few weeks. And he told me that he is quite tired those weeks because of the trainings for P.O.P. Don't know why as long as he can give me a reason, I feel much better, though he did not contact me during those weeks. Well, everytime when I'm with him, I feel very happy and eventually I tends to smile and laugh alot when I'm with him. No matter how bad my mood is, as long as he is around to chat or be with me, I always feel much better. But he always wants me to make the first move. And I'm kinda tired of it. He seems to be always making me feel love by him and then, when I realise the next thing is, he will be leaving at one side. Waiting for me to get back in contact with him. Does he really likes me? Why am I always the one who takes the initative? Why he seems to make me take the move always? Why he told me that he likes me and then he treat me like this? I will not deny that I like the feeling of being together but yet not together. But if this continues for long, it will really drives me crazy. Can anyone help me? I need help badly.

Chriz

Cheer up k!~ You're in love and that's good.

Hmm... If there's anyone who can help you, it's yourself ba.

Apparently, you like him but you don't feel that he is reciprocating your liking. Maybe it's time to tell him your feelings. No point keeping it to yourself for so long. At least after letting him know and getting an answer from him, you'd know your direction in this 'relationship' better.

But of course, you must be prepared to get hurt should he not have the same feelings towards you.

scorpio

yeah yeah...u in love....

well u can try to let him know that u always was the one that took the first move, and try to come out a way both also can do....sometime maybe the guy also dun know about that.

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CUte MaH?

supa4

I believe he likes you too...
may be he also dun know how you feel about him? may b that is why he is having this kinda behaviour?
Perhaps you guys can have a heart to heart talk?
Think the talk can clear up alot of your questions...

Pacifier

hmmm...dun be so sad k...hmm...there's somethin btw e bth of u...y nt ur juz meet up and hav a talk to settle stuff...

burtonho1990

call him quit smoking lols

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cutepetz

You are head over heels over this guy.. Maybe you can try making the first move =x

vgohyk

I concluded that these are your doubts.

First of all, yes, you are absolutely in love - just like many other people would, or is already in love! However, of course, no love in this world is smooth-sailing, or as alike as what you have seen on fairytale-like stories (cinderella, for instance). Without failure, pain and agony, you won't know the meaning of Love, you won't understand what it takes to be in love and to be loved, and worse of all, you will just take Love for granted.

& next - races shouldn't be a barrier to you finding your ideal partner. Hence, whether or not he's a Muslim, it doesn't matter. As long as you don't mind about it. I doubt you mind tho', cos if you do, you wouldn't have fall in love with him in the first place!

You know, the best remedy in all aspects of life is to communicate. It's the best remedy, but in the meantime, it can be a disaster too. Not everyone can communicate well, especially couples. It takes two hands to clap - both have to make the effort in order to achieve that same 'goal' - to be together happily ever after. (corny, but true!)

Seems like he's very egoistic. You declined his offer to go CHJIMES several times, and he MIGHT thought that you are being "hard to get". Hence, perhaps that explained why he did not contact you for weeks. OR, maybe, what he said was true - being busy cos of NS.

You see, the problem is you have doubts on him - as to why he's able to be so cold-blooded for not contacting you for weeks since he confessed that he likes you! The best way is to talk to him and ask him why face-to-face. So that you can see whether he's true and sincere about his explaination. You can just simply tell him that altho' you are not ready for a r/s now, you'd still hope he'd respect you in some ways. That is, to contact you even if you did not initiate it. Even as a friend, nothing is one-sided eh. It's not like when you need me now, I'll be here, and when you don't need me, I'll just shoo. It doesn't work! :handsup:

"Does he really likes me?"
I am sure he does like you. But whether or not he likes you as much as you do, only he knows it himself.

"Why am I always the one who takes the initative? Why he seems to make me take the move always? Why he told me that he likes me and then he treat me like this?"
You are always taking the initiative because he does not know what you are thinking and perhaps that is how he work things out. In order not to take the initiative all the time, tell him straight about how you feel about what is going on between the two of you. Tell him that you prefer things to work by the two of you, and not just you making the effort. Tell him you are not ready now for a r/s, but that doesn't mean you want to give up on him. No matter how much a person likes or loves the other party, he/she is still unable to guess the other party's ultimate thoughts and feelings. You got to tell him honestly and make sure he understands what you are trying to convey to him about your feelings.

"I will not deny that I like the feeling of being together but yet not together. But if this continues for long, it will really drives me crazy."
You like the feeling because when both of you meet, you both are just like a real couple. You love spending time with him and when he talks to you, you feel as if you are the happiest lady in the world. You like him tremendously, and perhaps deep in your heart you wish both of you are together. This ain't gonna drive you crazy if you take a few moments off your precious time to think about what you want out of the r/s between the both of you. When you are sure of what you want, tell him. Be confident and tell him! If at the end of the day you know he doesn't want what you want, at least you know you've tried.. and sort of removed a "burden" you have been carrying for a long time.

Esther, talk to him about how you feel, ok? I believe that's the best way. In order to prevent you from thinking too much out of the picture, clarify with him. Only he knows about what he's thinking and the way he acts towards you. No one else would know! :handsup:

Meanwhile, cheer up. Sip in a cup of nice earl grey tea and relax! I am sure everything will be fine one day. Heheh.

Hope this helps! :mellow3:

ix0r4

Yeah i agree with endlessly.. (as usual, u give gd advice ^^)

i oso think that communication is the best remedy.. have a heart to heart talk with him.. Tell him ur feelings..

Be brave, and goodluck~

MamaRos

Call me old-fashioned where feelings of the heart is concerned. Especially if it is LOVE.

I am convinced guys will like to be the one to do the chasing of girls they like. However, there are girls who are interested but act like they are really not that keen. When a guy gets this mixed signal - the girl agrees to meet him but draws a line as to how far their being together can go, the guy might hesitate to call her out for fear of developing strong feelings for the girl that might end up in his getting hurt and being rejected.

Basically, if you are not good in expressing your feelings openly and unreservedly to this guy because of certain reservations you have about his career/race/religion, you will have to regard this guy as purely a friend and nothing else.

I feel you are a bit confused - to let yourself go and be involved in a full fledge relationship with this guy OR what? :handsup:

The dynamics of a male/female relationship consist of the initial attraction, unihibited communications and a mutual and [b]natural[b] desire to see more of each other before it can be classified as ' a couple going steady'.

The way you described your feelings and the guy's behaviour, I see it that he is interested in a serious relationship but he's not sure if you're the one he should go for. How come? Well...you might not mind his race and religion but his family might and depending on how close he is with his family, their influence and opinions might matter a lot to him. Then again, he felt inadequate financially so if you're earning more than him, it could be quite demoralizing for him.

That part you wrote about the New Year's eve outing conflicts with what you mentioned - that you are always the one to initiate an outing. He wants CHJIMES but you do not. He insists so you don't go. Sounds like he wants you to meet his friends or bring you to somewhere special but you rebuffed him. Quite a blow to his male ego you know.....

You have to realise that a relationship involves giving and taking. You seem to have taken charge of this fledging relationship and my bet is he prefers to be less clinical and go with the flow. What it means is, if it works out, fine for him. If not, fine for him too.

Remember he had two previous failed relationships so he might be extra cautious this time round.

Yeah, you're gonna get really hurt badly if your feelings for him are romantically inclined and his are not.

:handsup:

It is not the place, nor the condition, but the mind alone that can make anyone happy or miserable.
Roger L'Estrange

Knox

hmmm..
u sound like my girlfriend..
well that's exactly how i behave when i was in NS..
i guess we're kinda pissed of with NS life that's y we behave that way..
the reason why he wants u to make the 1st move is because maybe he wants you to love him..not that he doesn't love you but he wants to be sure you really love him..because he's in camp and he have fears that you might go out with other guys or whatsoever..
well that's my point of view..if you can be with him through his NS days..
then you'll be able to be with him for the rest of your life..
because NS life is like PMS for guys

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shin-kyo

hello Esther juinor. lol.

aiyo, u in love liao.

enDlessly and MamaRos both give very gd advice. u shld try talk things out with him. talking is the best remedy as wat enDlessly have said. once both of have a gd talk, i believe u will know wat to do next.

in the meantime, cheer up k? take a step at a time. =)

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shin-kyo

yeah agreed! we guys sure very scare our gf go out with other guys.. lol.

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fuyumi

He seems to be slowly losing interest in the "relationship". If a guy is really that into you, I do not see why he should hang you by a tread and expect you to be around him when he needs you.

Through the little actions, I think he's a bit of a MCP and you could have been to available to him that it may end up being taken advantage of.

I think it's better to go about your other priorities and widen your circle of friends for more options.

As much as trust is to be earned, I dun see why girls should be tortured in having to prove a point when in the first place they have not cheated on the guy. I used to have an ex in NS who was so insecure that end up it's the girl that hurts the most.

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vgohyk