Sixteen

JOKE 1: Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. "I want to take all my money with me," he tells her. "So promise me you'll put it in the casket."

After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small metal box inside.

Her friend looks at her in horror. "Surely," she says, "you didn't put the money in there."
"I did promise him I would," the widow answers.

"So I got it all together, deposited it in my account, and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."


JOKE 2: A lawyer drives through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a policeman. He thinks that he's cleverer than the officer and decides to talk his way out of a fine. "Show me your license and registration," says the policeman.

"What for?" says the lawyer.
"You didn't stop at the stop sign."
"I slowed down and no-one was coming."
"You still didn't come to a complete stop."
"What's the difference?"
"The difference is you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law."
"If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop," says the lawyer, "I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, let me go."
"Get out of the vehicle, please, sir," says the policeman.
The solicitor gets out and the policeman starts beating the hell out of him with his truncheon. "Do you want me to stop?" asks the cop, "or just slow down?"


JOKE 3: In a hotel bar, a middle-aged man sees a beautiful woman sitting drinking alone. He sidles casually over to her and says, "Where have you been all my life?"
"Well," she says, "for the first half of it, I wasn't even born."


JOKE 4: Two drunks stumble out of a bar after a long night of boozing. They have no idea what time it is. One asks, "Is that the sun up there, or the moon?"
"How would I know?" says the other. "I don't live around here."

JOKE 5: My cousin's not so bright. She got an AM radio - took her a month to realise she could use it at night as well.

JOKE 6: Leaving the party late, two friends compare notes about their wives.
"I can never fool my wife," the first says. "I turn off the car engine, coast into the garage, sneak upstairs and undress in the bathroom. But she always hears me. And then she wakes up and yells at me for being out late."
"You should do what I do," says his buddy. "I roar into the garage, stomp up the steps, throw open the door and start kissing my wife. And she pretends to be asleep."

JOKE 7: Sid complains to his doctor that he keeps seeing bright yellow flashes and black wavy lines in front of his eyes.
"Have you seen an optician?" asks the concerned doctor.
"No," Sid replies. "Just yellow flashes and black wavy lines."

Slow and steady wins the race.

cute wormz

lol

feddup_boy

LOL,the joke 2 very funny..

Sixteen

Aha, I like joke 1 more.

Slow and steady wins the race.

KENJ

lols. i prefer 1. anyway ty for sharing.

Kick Every New Jackass.

jerlynxD

I think joke 1 and joke 2 funniest.

Shooter. D:


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Skerry

Thank you.

XiaoRenWu

I WANT MORE JOKE NOW!!!! I MEAN NOW!!! Oops............sry didn't mean it...

*walk away.....*

I Am Who I Am.............
The Only Thing That Is Impossible Is Nothing....

dolp

I like joke 2.... joke 1 is smart! =p

Those who say they care really don't. Because those who do, don't need words to justify their actions.

~~~>
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<~~~

Sixteen

LOL so funny.
okay, thread will be edited with 1 or more jokes soon, now I'm lazy to add.

Slow and steady wins the race.

shypineapple

hahahaha.....

My mind fails to understand
What my heart tells me to do
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ngweykeen

haha. Joke 1 damn smart la. think must burn the cheque for him oso. wahaha.

Post more jokes! it really cures boredom=)

Sixteen

As promised, 4 more jokes posted.

Slow and steady wins the race.

khellvinne

sixteen, i think u dun edit larh, u juz continue as reply lorh...ok ar?
good jokes~

Princess Evelyn

lolz..

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纪宝贝好可爱哦！！

DestinyAthrun

lol

o0MaRcUs0o

all are nice, thanks

xOxYGeNx

thx for sharing

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think_a_tot

haha! i like the first one!

Sixteen