is it love?help! - Singapore's Online Community

**cucumber** · 26-12-2007, 07:58 PM

It's very very very difficult to define what "like" and "love" is. Yup, maybe this is the first time i have these feelings for someone. I dun know if i love him or just like him as a nice person....

I and he took the same module in the 1st semester of my schooling in NUS . Frankly speaking, I din have any impression abt him. All things I remember during this semester are a guy with a big size red coat who always sat at the 1st left table in my tutorial group.

In the 2nd sem, coincidentally, we also took the same module and were in the same filming group. At first, i din realize that he was in my group despite that I did see the photos of my group members. However, he did and that really surprised me because I never thought that a Singaporean could recognize a Vietnamese just through a photo. You may find this doesnt make sense but I really thought it did make sense. Although S'pore is a multi-national country, a non-racial discrimination country, behind the wall, i know the discrimination always exists. The discrimination comes from many reasons such as the development of a country, the skin colour, the education and awareness level,...I myself dun have any bias against Indians however in my thoughts, seriously i dun like Indian but it doesnt mean that i hate them because it cant be denied that indians in NUS are very intelligent and have better communication skill comparing to Vietnamese. The same thing for my situation. Singapore is a rich country and Vietnam is a poor country. Singaporeans are stronger in English than Vietnameses are. Therefore, I din think that a Vietnamese would make a Singaporean notice.

My first impression on this guy was on the 8th of March. This is Women's Day in my country. A Vietnamese guy told him about the day and he sent me a message with wishes. I was really surprised and glad. On the 1st of April, I joked with him that i loved him and he said he loved me too. We all knew that it was just a joke. I din have any special feeling towards him.

Although he had a lot of Singaporean friends, he still sat around me or beside me ( if there was a sit ) during lectures, he top up water for me, he talked to me,....He said that he wanted to ask me out after exam was over because he wanted to ask me about an interesting module that i was taking at that time and he would show me around S'pore. I just thought that he was a nice groupmate.

Exam was over and summer vacation came. We went out together several times. He never asked me about the module as he told me. He showed me around S'pore. He always tried to take photos of me. He likes badminton live competitions and told me to watch these matches on TV. He likes Harry Potter and he asked me if i liked it too. He liked pulau ubin very much and he told me that he wanted to bring me to the place. He asked me if i would live in S'pore after my graduation. He said I looked cute when I was sending a sms to my friend....And he waked up at 4:30am and travelled from the east to the west ( I stay in the west n he stay in the east ) simply to give me a ride to the airport when i went back to my country ( the airport is in the east ). Were these normal things that a friend often does or i thought too much?It was really touched.

At first, I went out with him simply because I wanted to know more about S'pore, to have a new local friend and to pracise my English ( My English is very bad ). After the date he gave me a ride to the airport, I started to have some feelings.
(When I and he were in the same filming group, he had a gf. However they broke up before the exam was over.)

When I was back to S'pore, the new semester began. This is my 3rd sem in NUS. We only met up for lunch once at the beginning of the sem. I gave him a gift from my country.

NUS studying life is very very busy. He was taking an important module ( 8MCs) this sem. I often encouraged him and so did he. I really took care for him. I gave him strawberry chocolate candy to encourage him doing his projects ( he likes strawberry n chocolate ). I asked him if he had umbrella to go back home when i saw it raining. I sent him messages to cheer him up when he was in the busiest time of his projects. I was usually the person who sent him messages. He just sent me messages sometimes even during summer vacation. is he the type of person who doesnt like sms?I din send him the msg very often because there are many many conflicting questions in my head: if my feelings for him is love? does he have any special feeling for me? should i llike him with all my heart? should i go for it?i am really scared of being hurt in love especially after my parents'divorce. I'm scared of the feeling that i have to be disappointed about something or someone. I dun dare to love him. And one more reason: he is an Singaporean. I dun think a Singaporean guy would fall for a Vietnamese girl.

My birthday is on the 12th of Nov and his is on the 15th of Nov. At this time, both of us are very busy with projects dueing soon especially him. On my birthday, he sent me a message to say happy birthday to me at 00:00am but he din mention anything abt present. Nevertheless, I wasnt sad much because the person that i have expected to give me wishes n present was my father ( Again, my dad made me disappointed. He has never remembered my birthday ). On his birthday, I sent him a message at 00:10 or something n i told him i had sth to pass him. He said he had sth to pass me too but that was not a good time to meet up since his project was dueing soon. I was fine with that.

December came, again we are in vacation. We went out 2 weeks ago really had fun together ( as far as i think ). He saw in my MSN that i wanted to go to the beach, he said we would go to the beach. When I n he were walking below the bridge near Esplanade, we saw someone did a heart shape with candles, he asked me if i wanna take a photo with it, I hesitated. He said never mind, we would do ours and take photos. We laughed. Was he kidding?

The day after, he gave me a ride to the town ( I went for a training session). We reached the town around 5:30pm and then he went to pick his brother up. That day i really wanted to go to the beach. 5:45pm I sent him a message:"It doent rain today n i really want to go to the beach. I know you need to prepare for ur interview tml and it wouldnt be nice to let you wait an hour for my training session ending but i'm not sure i will be free the following days.... Can you just leave the car to ur brother ...." . 7:30pm he replied my msg n said sorry that he just saw my msg, he was home and he left his hp in the car. I was fine with that because i knew that his house is far from the place and he needed to prepare for an internship interview on the following day.

One week later, I asked him if he would be free this Xmas. He told me that he had no plan at the time but he often celebrate Xmas with his same group of his old secondary friends and he asked me if i wanted to join them. The party was at weekend n I couldnt make it.

On Xmas Eve, I, he and another gal friend of his went out together. I know for sure that the gal n he are simply friends. She is a big gal n very friendly. They two , one person was behind me and one person was in front of me, protected me from spraying and from the crowd. I felt like being protected by parents the feeling that i have forgotten since i was 11. During the night, he usually looked at me, I knew, the gal knew, she smiled. When we went back, he and the gal stay in the east, i stay in the west thus we took mrt to two different directions. When I went up to take another mrt line, he was answering the phone. He did accompany me back after every our meetings however he din that time. He sent me a msg to sorry me 10 minute later. I said never mind n merry xmas to him. He din reply. It was 1:30am. I was really scared of going back alone at very late time like that. I knew he couldnt bring me back n left the gal alone but somehow i still feel sad.

2:30am: he asked if i reached my hostel n tell me rest early. He said it was fun to be with me on this Xmas Eve. Did he just act nicely to me as a friend? That night i could hardly sleep. i dun know whether It was because of him or the coffee. I brought a Xmas gift with me on the night but i never gave him. He din give me any present for Xmas too. that night I had a dream. I dreamt that the day after he send me a msg n tell me that he wants to meet up, he has sth to tell me,....On 25th, I waited for his msg the whole day...

What should I do now?Does he have any special feeling for me? why he is so nice to me like that?I dun wanna tell him i love him. I'm scared of being hurt, being disappointed, and losing the friendship with him. please give me some advices!

**Hirakawa** · 27-12-2007, 01:17 AM

There are a lot of reasons why a gentleman treat a lady nicely. (Better find out the reason first before you invite embarrassment to yourself, eg. find out if he is in a relationship)

Give him some hint (send him small gift during festival or try to ask him out for dinner/movie, and tell him it is nice to have dinner or movie with him).

Wait for him to take the action... if still no action, forget about him because he have either no intention on you or not brave enough to express his feeling to you (no much to expect on a guy who cannot express his feeling).

**cucumber** · 27-12-2007, 04:06 PM

Thanks for your reply. He is not in a relationship now. Maybe I should wait for him!(^^)

**Reborn82** · 27-12-2007, 04:12 PM

	Quote:			Originally Posted by cucumber
	Thanks for your reply. He is not in a relationship now. Maybe I should wait for him!(^^)

Sometimes dun waste time waiting too much if u like him or her and u also feel tat he or she have a bit feeling for you tok liao dun miss the boat cheers gd luck

**aHope4you** · 27-12-2007, 11:54 PM

wow~it was like wow~ wait for him..? tis is 21st century liao, no more i wait you, you wait me liao tis era.. we shld like how to get something tat we wan and cherish something tat we wan =) dont forget to doll up urself to earn more points lah =)

**meirenyu** · 28-12-2007, 12:06 AM

ur post is long sia. haha can cut short? lol

huitingsmile · 28-12-2007, 12:30 AM

If ur heart really feel something for him, then go for it bah. Sometimes either party must do the initiative. Can be the gal do the initiative or gave hints. Waiting will only end up nothing if the guy really is a shy type de.. haha.. Good luck to ya ah.. =)

**Sonic Bear** · 28-12-2007, 01:25 AM

waiting will lead u to no where !!! Just let yr feelings make known to him.....

Cheers

**ic3st0rmer** · 28-12-2007, 01:29 AM

IMHO, i think it's a better idea of dropping hints instead of chasing after him.. chasing him like very despo.. no offence! just my personal opinion...

OR you can just pop a qn casually during lunchbreak when he's sitting beside u : "since you dont have a gf, is there anyone u like now?" (something like that). remember to watch his facial expression and how long he take this to ans.. if it's an immediate no, then i guess it's only frens between u 2. but if the ans is erm/hmm/ i donno or he didn't ans you and is tyring hard to change topic, then there might be a possability that he like someone 9either you or someone else).

but if he say yes, just ask if she's from the same campus, sch, module or something to bring u closer lo... watch his facial expression too!

you can also take a notice at his body language... ( i don't raelly know how to explain here)... something like when he talk to you, what is his body language like or something like that...

PLease keep us posted!!

**FionaXie** · 28-12-2007, 03:19 PM

Foreign girls are unique.

Nail that sentence to your brain first. Don't feel bad about being a Vietnamese. I have never been there all my life (a bit exaggerated because I'm only 14 next year). I'll try to answer your question as accurately as possible and also in sections so you'll be able to string them properly in your mind and it will not cause much confusion for you.

1. Defining "Like" and "Love".

For most cases, "Like" will just be mere infatuation. You like the person for his physical looks or his actions. I feel that you are closer to the next definition. "Love", is when you'll have the urge to do something for the second party and your heart will really skip a beat when ever you see him. I know cause I have loved someone very deeply before. For the guy you mentioned, I think he is trying to make obvious hints at you. Personally, I feel that foreign girls are extremely special.

2. Your doubts on whether he likes you

Mentioning about him disliking sms and the time when he was with another big gal, you certainly have some doubts here and there around your mind. It seems as though that the big gal is just a close friend compared to how he feels for you. If only i could see his exact movements and eye reactions, I would have been able to accurately determine if he likes you or not. I'm a part-time counselor at my own school so I study a little on psychology.

3. Clearing your doubts

The guy obviously cares a lot about you. Driving you to the airport (this is a really obvious hint at you) and asking you if you reached your hostel and etc. A normal friend will normally just ask if you'll be alright on your own but it seems like he really cares a lot about you. About Christmas, it maybe possible that he isn't a Christian, or even if so, he does not strongly believe in the culture of giving presents on Christmas. I know that after having your parents divorced, your self-confidence may have been lowered but I strongly recommend you to tell him your feelings. I confessed to this girl that I really loved. She told me she wanted us to stay as friends as it was still too early to determine anything. We are still very close friends even now. Go for it!

4. A final note to your self-confidence

Always remember this, it doesn't mean that Singaporeans don't take notice of Vietnamese girls/guys. I know quite a few Vietnamese adults that are really beautiful too. If you are really scared of being rejected, I will think that the guy you are talking about will have enough sense to tell you nicely instead of pushing you away immediately. Your friendship with him won't diminish either. It won't hurt to try! If I, as a 13-year-old back when I confessed could do it, you should be more than capable to try this out yourself!

**cucumber** · 29-12-2007, 01:10 AM

thank you,guys! I'm too shy to confess to him but i will try!(^^)thanks a million!

**sboi** · 29-12-2007, 01:33 AM

wa ur post really long and ur english is very good. well written. Haha. THis kind of things dun ned wait. Trust ur feeling.

**kkboy1** · 29-12-2007, 07:10 AM

Drop him some hints.Or ask someone he know, to tell him if u are shy. or sms him ur feelings.
Just express ur feelings to him if not u may regret for life.

**restless** · 29-12-2007, 10:06 AM

i'm a slow reader. i took like 5mins to read your post? haha.

anyway, can tell u're a understanding and nice girl. but really, a guy would usually be nice to girls whether they like them or not. u know..to be gentleman blah blah.

dont tink too much cause it'll blur ur vision. stand aside and look at a bystander's point of view and ask, whether this guy is sincere? the one for you? ppl tend to see more clearly when they take themselves out of the confusion.

zxichigoxz · 29-12-2007, 01:17 PM

maybe its infatuation?

**edwwyl** · 30-12-2007, 09:57 AM

Cucumber,

What's up now? Any progress?

Firstly, I can guarantee the guy has "good feel" even if it's not "like" towards you. You stand a place in his heart (on which level, I don't know). But don't be too happy yet. "good feel" is only a level higher than "dislike". In other words, he doesnt dislike you. Otherwise, he won't be doing all the things he'd done to you.

There are many possibilities at the moment. I don't know him, I've never seen him, so...I don't know what's the exact situation. But I can let you know a few possibilities as some guides for you to judge him yourself.

1: He's a nice person. He treats everyone nice especially girls. But this doesnt mean he's a play boy. He treats girl nice because to him, it's his responsibility to do so. He wants to protect someone whenever he could. Who would he to send home; a 25++ yr old girl or a teenage girl?

2: He likes you but he's shy. He's shy not towards you but to other people. Maybe he's worrying about other people, like his friends or family or whoever might not accept you as his girlfriend.

3: He's also guessing and waiting. He might be waiting for you, and he might also be waiting for another person. Maybe he's in a situation which he doesnt know what to decide and waiting for the time to decide. Perhaps, he likes you, as much as he like another girl. And now, he's giving himself some time to decide so as not to regret in the future.

There are many more...depending on the current situation. From what you've told, he sounds a good guy to me. A mature, a responsible person. Since there's nothing threatening the relationship between you and him, why not wait a little longer and see how things go? Don't tell him that you like him directly. This is a very risky move. If he only treats you as a friend, this move might scared him off and turn him off. Even if he likes you a little, knowing that you like him as well, he'll take things easy. Tell him that you like him in another way; BODY LANGUAGE. I can let you know more about body language if you wish to.....

As for now, dont risk the relationship. let it be natural and see how it goes....

**YouYongKu** · 30-12-2007, 09:59 PM

if i did not read wrongly from the start, because i read it twice

he's interested from u at the start
but i'm not sure about the recent part

what i suggest is u drop him a hint.
thats what i would like to have if i like this girl too.

if he picks up or shows some sign then

happy together

i wish all the best cucumber