How do i know if i'm over the r/s? - Singapore's Online Community

**maylimtw** · 22-04-2007, 12:08 AM

I'm so lost. It has been 1 yr 4 months since i broke up with my ex. And by now it should be long enough for me to get over him. During this period we have not stayed in contact though there were many times i wanted to but didn't have the courage.
He left me for another gal. But i don't hate him and in fact still love him.
What can i do to get him out of my heart?
Currently, there is this other guy whom has been treating me very well. I thought i can start a new r/s. But i realised its totally unfair coz i'm still thinking of my ex. And many times i'm comparing the 2 of them and my ex always 'wins'.
Oh what should i do? I feel like a bitch.:cry3:

simplepris · 22-04-2007, 02:03 AM

*pat pat*

the fact that u feel this way means u are definitely not a bitch.. *smiles*

let nature takes it course bah.. dun force urself to forget him.. besides, 你舍得吗？heehee.. but seriously, i personally feel that it's not easy to let go of a guy i've loved (and still love).. just like that.. even if we are not together anymore.. so usually i'm quite relunctant to forget my ex after breakup.. even though i know i shd forget him.. contradicting huh?

anyway.. the more u try forget him, the more memories u'll 'dig' up.. just move on with ur life.. make more friends..

u sounds like a nice ger.. i'm sure u'll find a better (and cuter!) guy..

**wenwen** · 22-04-2007, 02:32 AM

actually nothin really much can be done...
cos the more u wan to 'forget' about him, the more u think of him... like wat simplepris had also said...
give urself more time... only time can heal ur wounds...

**vgohyk** · 22-04-2007, 02:35 AM

	Quote:			Originally Posted by maylimtw
	I'm so lost. It has been 1 yr 4 months since i broke up with my ex. And by now it should be long enough for me to get over him. During this period we have not stayed in contact though there were many times i wanted to but didn't have the courage. He left me for another gal. But i don't hate him and in fact still love him. What can i do to get him out of my heart? Currently, there is this other guy whom has been treating me very well. I thought i can start a new r/s. But i realised its totally unfair coz i'm still thinking of my ex. And many times i'm comparing the 2 of them and my ex always 'wins'. Oh what should i do? I feel like a bitch.:cry3:

Those in bold is similar to my past history. I'd say that it's not easy at all to forget a person, especially you mentioned that it took you 1 yr 4 months.. yet you're still loving him so deeply. People can take a few weeks/months to forget, some may take up to years or forever. It all depends on individuals, their mindset and situations. I was once in love with a guy whom we both never get started before and it took me 4 straight years to get over him. I did mention in 1 thread that I'm glad I did forget the past as I have found myself a good boyfriend - a guy whom I want to spend with for the rest of my life.

You know, by getting rid of the past, it helps you to regain your lost confidence in love. By getting rid of your ex, you'll have a chance to start your life "anew" and with better chances of meeting the "right man". It's definitely tough, but it is possible to.

In my process of loving the 4 year-impossible-guy, we didn't keep in contact at all. Avoidance is the best word. However, in that process, I do come across quite a number of "nice" guys whom they can be considered as being my bf. I was rather picky and hence, I'd compare (just like you do), and at the end of the day, I'd still think that the 4 year-impossibe-guy was still the best.

Yet, as time passed.. (4 years later), I started to realise it was all rubbish. I was here yearning for him daily and he was out there enjoying. I mean, frankly speaking, I believe your ex has long forgotten you. He chose to be with another girl than you, why still dwell about it? He doesn't worth your love, my dear.

Even if one fine day he comes back to you and tells you how much he still loves you and that he realised his mistakes, let him go and don't ever be soft-hearted. He simply don't deserve your love.

:mellow3:

princealex · 22-04-2007, 02:55 AM

hey your not a bitch like wht you think loving someone take courage, and your true to him but he is'nt(maybe), i'm too trapped in the past but no matter what life gotto move on, i understand the feeling of waiting for the other person to return by your side i have been waiting for 3 yr but to no avail, get over it and life would be better cheers :biggrin4:

**Shyraiiyann** · 22-04-2007, 01:57 PM

nah. i think its vr common. ur not the onli one suffering lidat,
u have to be strong and tell urself to let go,
u state clearly he left u for another girl. meaning, he doesnt even love u,
why bother hanging on to someone lidat?

Easy said as it might be, but u its an individual thing, we call tell u lotsa thingy, but end of the day, u urself, must try, to diminish all hopes..

please takecare =)

funnysnow · 22-04-2007, 02:11 PM

You just need more time.. Hang out with more people and make new friends..

**xiaopillow-** · 22-04-2007, 02:29 PM

yeah you have to learn to let go because life has to go on..

**Wintermaul** · 22-04-2007, 02:40 PM

	Quote:			Originally Posted by enDlessly
	Those in bold is similar to my past history. I'd say that it's not easy at all to forget a person, especially you mentioned that it took you 1 yr 4 months.. yet you're still loving him so deeply. People can take a few weeks/months to forget, some may take up to years or forever. It all depends on individuals, their mindset and situations. I was once in love with a guy whom we both never get started before and it took me 4 straight years to get over him. I did mention in 1 thread that I'm glad I did forget the past as I have found myself a good boyfriend - a guy whom I want to spend with for the rest of my life. You know, by getting rid of the past, it helps you to regain your lost confidence in love. By getting rid of your ex, you'll have a chance to start your life "anew" and with better chances of meeting the "right man". It's definitely tough, but it is possible to. In my process of loving the 4 year-impossible-guy, we didn't keep in contact at all. Avoidance is the best word. However, in that process, I do come across quite a number of "nice" guys whom they can be considered as being my bf. I was rather picky and hence, I'd compare (just like you do), and at the end of the day, I'd still think that the 4 year-impossibe-guy was still the best. Yet, as time passed.. (4 years later), I started to realise it was all rubbish. I was here yearning for him daily and he was out there enjoying. I mean, frankly speaking, I believe your ex has long forgotten you. He chose to be with another girl than you, why still dwell about it? He doesn't worth your love, my dear. Even if one fine day he comes back to you and tells you how much he still loves you and that he realised his mistakes, let him go and don't ever be soft-hearted. He simply don't deserve your love. :mellow3:

I somehow understood enDlessly's sentiments. I fell in love with a guy that many thought we don't fit into one another in a lot of ways. I do still think of him and how is he doing now at times. It took me more than 6 years to forget him slowly. But whenever I try to I get to bump into him here and there. I was at a close friend's wedding and he was the best man. Everyone keep saying you look so much like him. Even got people say we got "husband and wife" look. Haha... clarification, we were never together. Cause there is a wall in his heart that I cannot break. Sad case, is that I know what that wall is.

For him, I chose to ignore a guy friend who was so good to me at that point of time. My friends tell me that they can see that he likes me but just don't admit. I think I can feel that somehow. But now he is attached and happy. So I am happy for him too. Truly love is blind, and nothing can be done to heal the wounds cause they are not visible.

Time is only the best medicine to heal wounds of heart affairs. It took my friend about 3 to 4 years to get over a guy. I think the duration of the medication depends on the depth of the wounds. Take it easy girl, you can find a better guy who deserves your love. I strongly believe. :mellow3:

**maylimtw** · 22-04-2007, 03:08 PM

thanks so much, i guess like u all said perhaps i should just give myself more time and not pressure myself.
i guess i just needed to voice out my thoughts

i shall continue to make new friends and enjoy life =)

**MissingYou** · 10-08-2007, 04:17 PM

dun be too sad...though i myself also...i can understand excately how you feel...even break up le,but letting go sure tak some time de...is never easy...for me is 2 mths le...occasionally he will purposely send stupid gd nite msg to stir up my emotions,really duno wat the hell he is up to...
well u shdnt blame yrself cos its very natural de...no matter how great a guy can be to me,i also couldnt help compare my ex and him...

**DEADevelyn** · 10-08-2007, 08:25 PM

galgal!!
dun compare between yr ex n tt guy tt is treatin u well..
cos u stil luv yr ex tt y u tink tt he is e best and all points shows tt he is best..
but e guy tt is treatin u well hab many gd points too..
much more than yr ex..
its onli tt u nv discover...
maybe u should tink of his bad points..
etc:flirt,illtreat gf.etc..etc..
since he made a point to ditch u for another gal..
it shows tt he dun love u and do not think tt there will be a dae wher u can patch wif him..
cos yr mind tells u tt stil gt chance tt y u stil tink of him..
maybe u shld try to hate him..
tis will allow u to hate him more and nt tink of him
=]
sgc ppl lyk mi will be there fer u=]
[troglodyteEVE]