Help MEeeeE! - Singapore's Online Community

**ehrgeiz** · 10-09-2007, 07:48 PM

it seems to b a pretty good forum to ask for help. so.. please help me if u can oki?

just broke up with my girl a week ago reason being her wanting to meet a new guy (experiencing something new).

the whole problem began like this.

she was often being stressed up by school work and activities and shes always telling mi how tired and stressed is she due to school. well i play as her listening ear all the time, but i always tend to provide her some solutions to her problems like telling her to take a break from the activities or such, and sometimes i get angry because she doesnt listen to me, as she takes responsibility in what she does and always believes that she shouldn't slack from her work. thus she usually end up having to comfort me while shes stil feeling fustrated from her stress. i didn't realised that after the breakup, after we talked about it. shes said that shes tired of me being that way. and she had met some one who can she can really talk to, and she wans to give it a try.

about two weeks before the breakup, she went for an expedition trip with her cca, there she had a male ccamate as her kayaking partner, so they ended up talking alot during the whole time while on the trip and realised they click really well. thus she opens up to him totally. i guess. and they became really good friends after that.

the other guy began to stick to her after school, going home with her on the same bus even tho she was with her friend, they just get along together, and some time later, he confessed to her saying he likes her.

she was troubled by it at first, saying that she felt special being with the other guy, something different while bring with me. she thinks that she had kinda fallen for him and she knows its impossible to like 2 guys at the same time. thus she conclude that 1 of them has to b genuine and not the other. and picked me as the latter.

what im confused about is that, we are stil being lovey-dovey before the expedition, but after the confession, she acts as if she had totally lost her feelings for me, why is this so? is she bent on moving on with the new guy? but how can she deny the love we once shared only after being with the guy for a short period of time.

is there any way that i can save this relationship?

we are still in contact, but shes been distancing herself from me. she made it very clear to me that she wans us to be nothing more then friends for the time being, while shes still getting closer to the guy. how can i rework this around, or can i only start all over again, be her friend and woo her back? i really love her, even though i wanted her to be happy, but i just can't bear to let her go.

**Shyraiiyann** · 10-09-2007, 07:59 PM

	Quote:			Originally Posted by ehrgeiz
	is there any way that i can save this relationship? we are still in contact, but shes been distancing herself from me. she made it very clear to me that she wans us to be nothing more then friends for the time being, while shes still getting closer to the guy. how can i rework this around, or can i only start all over again, be her friend and woo her back? i really love her, even though i wanted her to be happy, but i just can't bear to let her go.

No, there is no way for the moment.
She already made it clear to you she wants to be nth more than friends with you... i think its very obvious le,
you can try, but dont put too much hopes in it.
Many times, treating the girl the way you deemed the best is not the solution. I used to have an ex like you, very caring, very good good kind of man. but i find him an irritant, an emotional burden.

Try to relax and dont think of just getting her back if you sincerely want her to be happy. Be a normal friend, dont OVER-contact her.

I think the last thing you wan is for her to hate you.

**ah_lei** · 10-09-2007, 09:32 PM

ah... its all puppy love for people at your age... so don brood over it.. and move on. =)

**Steven^_^** · 10-09-2007, 09:35 PM

Move on friend,she already wavers and got someone else on her mind n heart other than me.For me i will never accept my gal to have someone in her heart other than me.

**GreenShell** · 10-09-2007, 11:09 PM

Your situation seems very familiar to me, but well. You know, sometimes, girls are fickle-minded (not that guys aren't), and they tend to be blinded by others good and caring for that short term period of time. It's just because they thought they had found their shelter from all troubles, not knowing that the "shelter" is just like a cardboard - soon it would be useless after storms and stuff.

If you really love her, what you can do is prove to her that you can be who she hopes you can be naturally - meaning is not she force you to be but it's because you realised you want to be someone like that. Let her know that the guy she just met wouldn't be as good as you because afterall, you know her longer than the guy does. Moreover, like what you'd mentioned, they only know each other just by one event and she could conclude that she's more open with him than being with you? I think it's more of temporary stuff.

Don't worry, just quieten yourself, think of who you really want to be, and then how you'd want to chase her back. Is she really worth all these torment waiting? Think about it. Afterall, a girl's love isn't that worthy like before when she could just let go without even considering or giving chance and just go off with another guy.

All the best to you! (:

**fuyumi** · 10-09-2007, 11:45 PM

It takes 2 to clap and when on hand stops, the other have to work even harder but after a long time, the other hand still refuses to work then at times, it better to let go.

She's probably young and when people are young, they want to experience life. There is nothing wrong with that and even the best guys may not be to their fancy. As we grow older, our expectations and needs change. Maybe you should take a break too and have some time with friends. No one's feelings changes overnight and if the relationship has been stable then no men can let her have a change of heart.

**Peuan Sanit** · 11-09-2007, 01:33 AM

If your relationship with her in the first place was strong, nothing could have torn both of you apart.

She is in school and I presumed that you are also a student, this is the stage of growing up and experiencing the thrills and spills of a relationship.

At this stage, she does not really knows exactly what she wants in a life partner. Probably at this stage, she wants someone to care for her, make her laugh, understand her, support her, etc....in a couple of years' time, her preception of a life partner might and probably will be different from what she wants now. At a later stage, she will probably see the potential of her better half to have a stable and rewarding career. A career that will feed and support the family will also be her mind.

As for you, she has actually make is crystal clear to you that she only wants to be friends with you and not as a GF. You should get the hint and move on, you will definitely meet someone else during your course of life. You will also forget her by and by eventually.

As for the time being, remain as friends and retain the friendship you have with her. Even if she comes back to you now and in the near future, won't you be sceptical that she had actually left you for another guy and it might happen again in future?

As s student, you should concentrate on your education rather than focus on BGR issue.

When you have reach adulthood, there is no lack of opportunities to know the opposite sex.

**tingz** · 11-09-2007, 04:32 AM

give her up ba. since she say till so clearly tt the reason for breaking up is

	Quote:
	reason being her wanting to meet a new guy (experiencing something new).

**stevetan** · 11-09-2007, 04:48 AM

It sounds like one of my exmate's story. Trying to help them patch back but the guy refused to take any action. And the same thing happens. The other guy(Upper Sec- Don't know him) got the lady in the end. It's been a long time and I didn't get in touch with the guy and lady. Touch Wood didn't happen to me.

**Gongkia** · 11-09-2007, 01:57 PM

lol move up....

this love had fade away le

no point thinking of patching of whatsoever

both of you aren't made for one another...

**BasTaI2d** · 11-09-2007, 02:02 PM

We are pretty much in the same boat, what I think is that, this might be over between the both of you. Like what others have said, if the love is strong between both of you, it should be difficult to break apart even though she found a special guy.

Sometimes, that is how things goes, both of you can be so loving and cuddling at one point of time, but when something comes in, a trial, a testification between how strong the love is, one party will tend to fall, and the bond will break.

If you really really want to try to win her back, you will have to deliver something she never felt before when she is with you and make her feel that you are still interesting for her to be with(since you mentioned that she wants to experience something new).

Anyway, good luck and meanwhile, try to move on.....^^

**ahhuii91** · 11-09-2007, 04:58 PM

move on.. life still have to move on without her. it seem that her feeling for you had already fade away. When she got a new "target", she will "throw" away the "old" one.. you can find a better girl then her. Jiayou^^

**Sweetie_pie24** · 11-09-2007, 05:46 PM

both of u are still very young and from wat i see, she is someone that likes to experience new things..
even if you manage to woo her back, u cannot guarantee that one day she won't do this to you again...
And if that happens, won't u be even more hurt?
How sure are u that u really love her?
U will still have a lot of chance to meet the opp sex esp when u started working....

If u really really really want to woo her back, den wait for her to break up with that guy ba...

but i still encourage u to move on with life since she made it very clear to u that she wans to be nothing more then friends with u

**sgelite** · 12-09-2007, 12:18 AM

Just observing from what you have shared:

	Quote:			Originally Posted by ehrgeiz
	i get angry because she doesnt listen to me, as she takes responsibility in what she does and always believes that she shouldn't slack from her work. thus she usually end up having to comfort me while shes stil feeling fustrated from her stress. .