SPARE the rod and spoil the child. But at what age should parents stop using the rod on their child?

While corporal punishment may be necessary to instil some form discipline in children, regular or indiscriminate beatings could well be a form of abuse.

Take Cindy's case. According to her, her mother would use a bamboo stick to whack her even when she commits seemingly minor mistakes.

And for someone who is already 19, surely such punishment cannot be viewed as a measure to instil discipline.

Counsellors say parents should also realise that 'corporal punishment usually loses effectiveness' past the age of 8.

Senior family counsellor Y K Choo said: 'A relationship with the older child turns complicated, charged with subtleties and innuendoes.'

Child behavioural therapist Hellen Wong said: 'Just as it's easier to love a little one than a young rebellious person, you can't just cane a teenager, particularly when they are seeking more independence as they grow up.'

Dr Wong said the problem with physical discipline is the difficulty of drawing a line between it and abuse.

'It's so easy to lose control when a parent starts to hit, especially if he's already angry and irritated with the child,' she said.

And violence in the home is one of the most destructive forms of abuse.

Mr Choo said: 'Family violence is especially painful because it occurs in an environment that should provide security.'

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Psychologist Richard Lim added: 'The situation gradually deteriorates when the victim feels trapped with no one to turn to, or nowhere to go.'

While early intervention is vital in stopping the cycle of violence, how can one outside the family establish what the truth is?

Take the dilemma that my colleague Kua Chee Siong and I faced.

We were confronted with two contrasting versions in Cindy's case - and it was not always easy to decide which one to believe.

'It'll take an experienced counsellor or a very sharp welfare worker to see beyond the complaints,' said Mr Choo.

'Failing which, the victim may risk falling through the cracks.'

Ms Lan Teo, counselling director of Children-At-Risk Empowerment Association Singapore, advised: 'Safety is the paramount concern, investigations can follow after.'

She added: 'I'd rather err on the side of caution.'

'It's so easy to lose control when a parent starts to hit, especially if he's already angry... with the child.'
- Dr Wong, child behavioural therapist