supa4

Hi all, need some advice

Recently i think i have felt in loved with a lady colleague of mine, who is already attached with a bf for 2 years. She is the type that i really like. From the way i act, and things that i have done for her, i guess she knows i liked her.

I know i should not harbour anymore thought, since she is already attached...

But, I dont seems to be able to get her out of my mind, have been thinking of her during weekends and long holidays. this is driving me crazy...I have tried to occupy my mind with work/hobbies/dating other gals...but it doesnt help

My question :
1. should i let her know my feelings for her?
2. Should i wait for her(currently she has no plans to get married) or should i move on...?
3. how to get rid of this feeling?

your advices are greatly appreciated
really confused now
supa4

restless

i tink u shld try...duno if this is rite but, since u liked her so much, guess u shld try ba...agree??

kotoko

u said she knows that u like her and if she doesnt give u any hints that she likes you, then i guess she is just trying to remain as colleagues. but if she reacts positively towards ur actions, then maybe u can give it a try. but bear in mind that if she is not interested in you, then she will avoid you.

xavier90

Let her Knows your feelings.
thats the best idea confes that you in love with her.
See what she had to say to you .

vgohyk

YOUR questions:
1. should i let her know my feelings for her?
Firstly, I don't really like the idea of 3rd party stuff. Like when you are attached, another party came along trying to snatch you away or something. However, we can't control our feelings. So, what to do? :handsup:

I think the best remedy is for you to confess to her. Meaning, yes, you should let her know your feelings.

2. Should i wait for her(currently no plans to get married) or should i move on...?

After she knows how you feel towards her, see what is her reaction and replies. If she drops hints of interested in you, then you are lucky. Which meas, you probably have some chances of getting to be together with her. However, if she doesn't reciprocate, then, it's time for you to give up.

Whether or not a couple in a relationship decides to get married or not (now, or future), it depends on them.

3rd party shouldn't have the mindset of "so long he/she isn't married, i stand a chance". Because, I believe, if you are attached, you wouldn't like the idea of one day, your gf might be snatched by another guy from you.

3. how to get rid of this feeling?

Pick up some hobbies - sports, foreign language courses, etc to keep you busy. One of the most important way is, widen your social circle and allow other girls to come near you. Give others a chance, as well as yourself a chance. Don't give up the forest in looking for the best tree because of a tree that attracts you in the first place.

----

I hope this helps! hehehe. (:

supa4

Thanks all for the replies ...especially you enDlessly for taking time to write such long reply

1. guess i will find some means/ways to make an obvious hint(probably).
2. no i dun intend to mess up others relationship, thats bad kama...i do put myself in other bf's shoe...i wont want other to come snatch me gf oso...no no.
3. guess i will wait,being friends with her is in one way to know her and her state of happiness...guess i m quite content to that.and keep an open door for other gals...(if there is any)
4. i did try to occupy my mind with work/hobbies/even date other gal...but it wont work...dun know why...hope time will dilute it...but it seems so endless, the suffering...

Do keep your advice coming...if any
Thanks guys

vgohyk

Haha, not a problem.
Well, i'm glad you're quite a optimistic person hur? (:
I can understand why despite you trying to occupy yourself with work and etc, it still doesn't help.

If you really set your mind in forgetting her, then the best remedy is to stop contacting her. Then, time will dilute. Your feelings will eventually fade.

supa4

i do not know whether i m a positive person...but do believe in "getting the best out of a worst situation"...
Think its difficult...we are colleagues, have work related matters, hence will tend to meet, thats the tricky part...will try to be pro abit when it comes to work...will try...

vgohyk

well then. if she doesn't reciprocate, then its time for you to control your feelings abit. if she sense any stress-ness in btwn e frenship of urs n hers.. she might feel pressurised and hence she will dislike u more.

Knox

enDlessly is a good councillor..
anyway i think you should not tell her your feelings yet..
i'm afraid that she might freak out and might not even wanna be friends with you..
get to know her more before you make any move..

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vgohyk

haha. thanks eh Knox. :mellow3:

sky5triker

Simply let her know first.. I know it must be hard on you to actually try to get rid of her in your mind, but you're waiting for an answer till now aren't you? tell her, then see what she has to say. if she rejects you, at least you tried and will stop thinking of her after that.. jiayou. :biggrin4:

No Problem lasts forever.

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Artemis86

Its good to confess ur feelings to her now and get an answer.

Then U can make a better decision whether to move on or wat.

Do consider carefully what may happen after u confess. I mean if she say she likes u, what u gonna do?? R U really gonna wait for her to brkup with her bf or vice versa? If her r/s with him is good, den wat?

A piece of advice - most of times, its usually e 3rd party who loses out. Unless she really really falls in love with u and no longer loves her bf, its quite unlikely she'd leave him for u.

Getting over someone isn't overnight thing..esp someone who u love. Just continue to occupy ur time and mind with hobbies n other things and reduce contact with her..

The more u see her or contact her, its harder for u to get over her. =)

Oh when u date other girls, dun try to compare them to her (no help in getting over her as well), but rather to ur own expectations of what kind of girl u wan. If u date other girls, try ur best to focus on them than on her. =) or else u may be missing out on someone better and u wunt even know!

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goldfish

1. if you let her know your feelings and she accepted you, what about her bf then? love is not supposed to be selfish, unless she broke up with her bf or you know that she is not happy with her current relationship.

2. maybe you should wait, set a time for yourself, 6 months maybe? use this time to understand her and if possible find out how her current relationship is. after the time past, you can decide whether you want to move on or not.

3. don't seclude yourself from friends, get to know more ppl, get involve in many activities (community centre, church, etc).