goldfish

My bf to be is earning much lesser than me, almost 3 times lesser. We are at the same age, but he started his education and career later cos he had to go for NS and he didn't do well in his secondary last time.

Now, he is working full-time and studying part-time at SP, still another 2 years to go. As for me, I would be graduating from NTU next year (M.Sc.) We have known each other for almost 3 years (same working place), but only in this year we've become closer. The point is we are in the state of loving each other now, I haven't answer 'yes' to him, but I will soon.

My questions are:

1. Is it OK for us to go on despite our education and salary gap? Friends around us are saying that both of us come from a different world and it might be difficult to get together. But, both of us believe that with hard work, there will be no problem for us.

2. Supposedly my parents asked abt his salary, shall we lie about it? Bcos I don't want to give pressure to him and my parents might be upset to hear the truth.

Hope to get some advice from the members here. Thanks a lot.

n_height

1. it will be hard on you guys because of the salary, education differences. esp the way other people will look at your relationship but if you're prepared to face em all then it should be ok.

and it is a big deal that the girl is earning more cause stereotypes of guys providing financial security etc, even if he says he's ok with it, a guy's ego will definitely be bruised by that fact. in most cases, the financial differences will usually be brought during fights (guy says, "you earn more than me so you must think i'm not gd enough") etc..


2. i don't think you should lie to your parents about it. if you're planning to treat the relationship seriously then your parents are most probably gonna find out sooner or later no? lying to them about this will probably sour your relationship and will make the guy think that you are embarassed by the salary difference.


anyways, my opinion on this is that you probably shouldn't get into a relationship with this guy. from what you wrote, it really sounds like you're not that confident that the relationship will work out. unless you are willing to sacrifice a lot and try your hardest to make the relationship work, its better off to stay friends with him. =)

vgohyk

1. Is it OK for us to go on despite our education and salary gap? Friends around us are saying that both of us come from a different world and it might be difficult to get together. But, both of us believe that with hard work, there will be no problem for us.

With you starting on questions like this, it is obvious that you have doubts on him/in this relationship. There's no point denying that some girls do mind about such financial gaps. I myself do mind about it too. I want my future husband to earn at least the same as I do, or better, more than I do.

However, when you first get together with him, you should foresee. It's simple. If you chose to be with him, chose to love him, and also have said that "with hard work, there will be no problem".. then the answer is: It's ok for both of you to go on! So long he's ambitious and does no rely on you financially.

I don't think education is a problem tho'. Even a person without any certificates can be a businessman. So long he is ambitious and work hard!

2. Supposedly my parents asked abt his salary, shall we lie about it? Bcos I don't want to give pressure to him and my parents might be upset to hear the truth.

If you decided to lie, then might as well forget about him being your BF/husbad-to-be. You can't hide this forever and I believe it's nothing to be ashamed about since you have already accepted him for who he is. You said you don't wanna give pressure to him, but in fact, if you hide the truth, in times to come, not only is he pressured... but, you too.

It's simple eh. Here's some qns for you:

• Do you mind a guy who earns lesser than you?
• What kind of life you want after marriage? (with you working hard for the family financially, or otherwise?)
• Do you love him?
• Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?
• Does he treats you good?
• Does he mind about such gaps?

From the answers you gave yourself, you should aga aga know whether both of you are meant to be together or not. Or rather if you want him to be with you.

Make a wise choice now than to regret in the future!

Artemis86

1. Although money is one of e impt things in r/s...if u really love him n wan 2 have a r/sw him...u should have a gd talk with him 2 discuss hw u both wan ur r/s to be.

whether he can accept tat u earn more than him n ask urself if u really can accept it too? let's say u both are willing 2 wrk hard in ur r/s n career, den u 2 shouldn't bother with how others even maybe some of ur frenz say or think! cuz e r/s's betw u 2, not them...it doesn't mean that when e woman earns higher den e man, their r/s will b on e rocks as there'll b mutual understandin n commitment.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Artemis86

2. so if u n him have both decided to accept each other's differences and still want to get involved...den u both have to disclose the salaries to ur parents and assure them u both have a way to work dis out. That this wunt make any diff to both ofur relationship..

Its best to be honest from the beginning...if they find it out from other den u 2, it'd be harder to explain n for them to accept dis r/s.

Good luck to both of u!!

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Syaoran

1. As long as both of u love each other, there's no nid to bother any difference since each will learn to accept their faults.

2. nah, just be truthful and stand firm on your grounds. Money doesn't matter~~ he can be the houseman if he wanted while u work xD

.phoenixity.

actually doent matter if he earns less right, what's important is u love him and he loves u and u 2 wont betray each other can liao~

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Woud you lie with me and just forget the world? ♥


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Do support the SGC Charity!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Support me!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

xiiaoqingwa

1. with love.. mth else matters la.. what matters most is the love between you two.. money? can earn.. it's okay if the salary is little.. enough for life can alr. he's upgrading himself too..

2. dont lie abt it.. tell them the truth.. they will find out one day too.. they will understand.. try talking to them..

mess with the best, die like the rest.

zhengong

wat i wan to say is said by others aready...haha...
gd luck solving this prob...take it as a test to strengthen your relation

goldfish

hi friends! thanks for the advice.. it's all very useful and truthful!=) I read it together with my bf just now, we laughed over some of the advice, but, somehow we both got enlightened too. we decided not to lie to anyone anymore. yes, you are right I was the one initiating the idea of lying, I'm so ashamed of myself. but, my bf said he understand why I thought of that and he didn't blame me. he said he will work harder, cos he doesn't want to be houseman =p we are planning to come clean with my parents on this saturday, it's my ma's birthday, so hopefully they won't give us a hard time.. thanks again everyone! happy love life to all of you!=)

n_height

good luck! i hope everything turns out ok..=)

vgohyk

hey wow it's awesome!
i'm glad he reads it with you and not feeling a slightest bit of being offended or smth!
he's a nice guy i guess.

i wish you both e best!..esp this coming sat! heheh!! gogogo!!

Sheng4Eva

wish u 2 good luck

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

FTW