skai

hi all pls advice me




my gf and i got together in Oct 2006. when i'm wooing her, i already knew she still cannot get over her 3yr r/s exbf (they broke up in july 2006). but since we know we are interested in each other, i still try my luck on asking her. i know by being with her i might be in a rebound r/s. but i believe i could let her change her heart. i'm willing to give her some time to let go her exbf.

while we are together, both of them are still in contacts. i ask her if she wants to get over her ex. she said yes. i told her to stop all communication with her ex. thats the best way to get over some1. but she dun want. she thinks that they could still be friends. but for me, i'm not comfortable with Exbf and Exgf contacting each other, treating each other like best friends. i believe sooner or later something will happen, esp when they had sex while in the r/s when they are together.

theres sometimes where she wants to meet up with her exbf, and i dun allow cos she wont get over him if they continue to meet up. she listens to me

i told her that i dun like her to contact her ex, just like she dun like me to contact my ex.after some persuasion on how insecure i am and how uncomfortable i would be (they are exgf/exbf, she still cannot really get over him), she agreed to delete his contacts. but i know its kinda useless cos i know she could memories his number easily(most of us can memories our love ones' number). but i'm happy at least she make the effort to do that.

later i found out that she is communicating with him through their online diary.(they have it while they are together). she said she still misses him blah blah blah. its always she who initate the conversation. like she post something, the exbf reply. after sometime, she post again asking issit exbf busy, why never post entries or post something for the exbf to read again.

i din confront her cos i'm afraid after exposing her, they would find other channels to communicate and i cant find out what my gf is doing behind my back again.

these goes on for months( 1 or 2 entries per month). i thought to myself. at least they are just chatting online.and they din met up.

but recently, i found out that she posted something with "we are meeting this week right?" on the diary.

what should i do? i dun know if they had met up secretly behind my back b4, and i dun know if my gf would tell me abt meeting him this week which i doubt so cos she knew i would definitely objects


i'm happy when i'm with her. she loves me and treat me not bad

but at the same time i cannot tolerate her lying to me, doing all these behind my back

Worufu

GO TO THE MEETING AND GRAB HER BACK 1 LASTTIME PULL HER HAND IF SHE PUSH U BACK THAT'S MEAN IT'S OVER GOGOGO STOP HER

I Love to heard the cry of demon.....
the fear on their face.....
they beg for mercy....
i spare none....
i ****ing kill them all...
becuz i am a demon slayer
Worufu

Snooze

Dude, first of all man, dont control yur girlfriend whom to contact and whom not to, nobody likes a control freak.
* Let dem contact la, and if she is 2 sided and cant show, den u juz gotta go the extra mile to do sum impression earning.
* Mutal respect very important

absenceoflight

firstly, u posted sum sensitive info abt u and ur gf which shld not be made public in forums (big NO NO)
second, seems like she can't really let go of e previous r/s. yes, being too forceful and pushy can have negative results and hurt ur r/s but i think it was gd u communicated ur needs and feelings abt e matter to her at length b4. re-assess where both of u are at this pnt in e r/s (1 year 2 mths isn't veri long IMO) and see whether it is worth fighting for

Don't fix it if it ain't broke

skai

dun understand.. in what way is it sensitive? and why is it big nono?

sgelite

I think you went about this r/s fully aware that your g/f had just broken off, her past, the POSSIBILITY of her returning to her ex and her wish to remain as friends with her ex. Yet you "were" confident of winning her heart despite the stacking odds. Sorry for the tense usage as I can see that you are beginning to get really uncomfortable with them contacting each other - and for what reason may I ask (that you think about it)? Let's be frank, I do not think it is the fact that they might be together again - as you are aware and confident of overcoming this.

What is really uncomfortable with you? Or may I rephrase - what is really eating you?

I think you are really putting the word "TRUST" to the fullest test you can ever imagine. IMHO, you really have to trust her that she is just being casual with her ex and nothing else. The fact that she is "doing things (sms, online diary, phone & etc..- which are actually harmless)" behind your back could have proved that you may have over emphasized your discomfort of her "casual" action. The way I see it, if you mean what you say then prove it and stop having wayward imagination about their casual contacts. If she said that she is not getting back and that she prefers you then you really need to TRUST her on this. False assumptions and doubts will not get you anywhere and if you really accept her then you should also be accepting that her past is history. Just do your part and let her do hers.

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yunise

I tink it's ok to post this.. he look like he seriously nid help, and one of the best way he can get it is to tell us how his situation is like.

I think such a girlfrenz nt worth keeping leh. If she really don't want to hurt you, she would have put in more effort, and not just do things on the surface to please you. If honesty cannot be achieved btw the both of you, wad else can u two have? =X

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My best friend killed me.. ='(

skai

thanks for enlightening me.

i have past experience that i'm being 2 timed(2 consecutive r/s). 1 is know a new guy, i tot they were just contacting like friends cos the guy was introduced to us by another common friend. 2nd 1 is after sometime being with me, she went back to her ex, and i know they did contact each other but i tot its just as friends.

i did tell my gf about my past r/s, explaining to her why i'm so insecure about her contacting her exbf. but... sigh...

once bitten twice shy. i know i have to overcome my phobia on my part. but what she do is not helping me at all. i'm so afraid history will repeat.

restless

if you tink love is blind, u can close one eye.

if you tink u cant tolerate this, then talk it over. if she needs time, give her time to sort out her feelings.

bottling up everything is not gonna do any good.

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sgelite

One must fully understand that relationship is forged by freewill. Nobody is coerced to love another person; we love incidentally and later made the choice to further this love into a relationship. Therefore, you got to weigh your own risk to see if you are still willing to pool the resources to make this investment worthwhile.

Pull out if you can't seem to forgive - you will save yourself a lot of misery.

Hardwork never equate to success in love - you merely learn to adapt according to what your finite knowledge would require and introspect regularly. Never set yourself on the degenerating path no matter what your encounters are - it's sad to know of people who saw the beauty of trust, only to destroy and blind this perception they have to bad circumstances.

So continue to keep the good perspective and definition of love, but work hard at keeping the flame alive, if your decision is to continue. Past failures might be a major factor why you are still willing to give it another try, but if you are just planning to try-try-see-how, I say don't bother. Either you do your best to make it work, or drop everything altogether.

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van07

I beg to differ as I think it's not exactly right to expose so much about your girlfriend especially about the part where you mentioned about have sexual relations with her ex. I know you are going through a rough patch. But I feel that explaining the situation is quite enough. I'm sorry if i seem a little crude. But how would you feel if your ex posted on a forum or chat rooms that she had sexual relations with you? How would you feel? Especially if you are a girl and see your intimate secret being exposed on the net? I don't think your girlfriend would like it if she saw this.

The last act is bloody however find the rest of the play -Shakespeare

skai

i feel that telling you guys as much details as possible is neccesary because different details leads to different situation//understanding.

i did not say that my gf had sexual relations with who and who.

"but for me, i'm not comfortable with Exbf and Exgf contacting each other, treating each other like best friends. i believe sooner or later something will happen, esp when they had sex while in the r/s when they are together." ---> i'm refering to the general ex-couples.


to me, if you had done it during the r/s, it would be like a normal activity to you and ur ex. and it's very easy to be happened again, compared to you doing it with a normal friend.

Javier

i think jus forget le ba. trust is so impt in a r/s. if u always panic this and that, suspect this and that, then wad for carry on. if im you i will just leave. im sure theres someone in singapore that will love u whole heartedly

sgelite