Abusive relationships - Singapore's Online Community

**sex-on-heels** · 19-06-2007, 10:43 PM

I know of many people who are stuck in abusive relationships not knowing that it is detrimental to them.

Ok they may know, but it could be dependency or love, but many chose to stick with them despite being kicked, punched, slapped, verbally abused or simply ill-treated.

Not to stereotype but it is usually the males who are delivering such acts of violence on their girlfriends, and rarely the other way round (I think girls use more emotional abuse though).

Anyway, I used to think that being any self-respecting female, one would leave when her angelic boyfriend or husband turned into a man-eating ogre overnight (but of course if you are as cute as shrek, you are forgiven). But that being said, I've never really been involved in an abusive relationship before so I would not be sure of how it's like when one is in one yet refuses to leave.

But seeing people like this, I do wish to help them but as always, it is tough when you are in the relationship and cannot decide for yourself objectively. In my opinion, most who have successfully withdrew out of the relationship would see how myopic they are eventually. But that is if they even succeeded in getting their ass out of it.

So yea, sigh.

Would like your opinions on this. Has anyone been in an abusive relationship (be it physical, verbal or emotional) and has gotten out of it or who have not bear to get out of it yet? And has anyone here been guilty of being abusive? Or would you guys stick in a relationship like this?

Generally, your views on this sensitive issue.

Note: I really hope that whoever is in such a situation, think long term and get yourself out because the person doesn't deserve you.

**fuyumi** · 19-06-2007, 10:49 PM

I always hope they will seek help through helplines and counseling. They need to know that they have their rights too.

**angelzks** · 19-06-2007, 10:53 PM

for me, given my kind of attitude, the moment someone abuse me or stopped me from doing something esp if i think it is right, whether i love him or not, that person will get a scar to remind him of that unfateful day..

it'll be tough for a woman who are dependent on the guys for most of the things, esp when things go wrong and they have no where else to turn to except for the fond memories of the past which she might be clutching on tight..and she might stay on for the sake of their children..

**killtheblackkat** · 20-06-2007, 12:38 AM

no matter how loving the guy is... if he ever raise his hands and slap or hit me, thats it. be it how long we have been together or how promising the relationship seems to be, i will never tolerate my bf hitting me.

if he can hit you today... he could have apologized and never do it again. but once you are married to him, be sure that there will be more to come.

**iorigal** · 20-06-2007, 03:09 AM

to me~
i view violence towards gurls (gfs) r much MORE severe den committin adultry~ :shifty3:
but violence towards guys (bfs) r acceptable for me though~ :speechless: personal perception**

**escaffe** · 20-06-2007, 08:20 AM

violence anywhere anyplace is not acceptable.

but to someone physically weaker and smaller in stature than you, then you're just a disrespecting fool who deserves to have your throat cut.

in my line of work i have encountered family violence several times. the most recent one were between a chinese married couple, and the female had endured verbal abuse and a little physical abuse (but she hits him back also). She has lost sight of why she married him, but it was rushed because she had been impregnated. But she could not leave because they have a baby.

what we do is we advise them to make it work. for the baby. but for your information if you have any female friends who are looking towards divorce for valid reasons and have a child not more than 7 years old, fight for it. the singapore court believes that a child must have his mother's care in the first few years.

sometimes i find girls very shallow and stupid because in every case of violence it is obvious she's a punching bag and that the guy hardly loves her. and while before that she may condone such acts and vows to leave if she was ever caught in one, love is a wicked thing. Sometimes when a girl is beaten up and its not the first time, I suddenly dont blame the guy. Its like supplying a burglar a whole series of unlocked houses.

HE WONT BEAT YOU IF HE LOVES YOU.