Learning to Forgive in 4 Steps


Forgiveness is a word that is rarely mentioned in these modern days. Perhaps it is the hardening of our hearts or the deterioration of the human race, but forgiveness is one of the most important tool towards the healing and restoration of relationships and our own personal lives. Until we learn how to forgive others, we allow ourselves to be forever trapped in a cage of bitterness and resentfulness, which ultimately hurts us more than it hurts the other party. Thus, here are 4 easy steps to take towards the road of healing and moving forward.

Step 1: Accept and Digest the problem

Dr. Hallowell says forgiveness starts with accepting the incident.

  • Converse with someone trustworthy and tell them how you feel. Tell them whether you are hurt, sad or angry. In other words, frankly bring out your feelings without any apology.
  • Isolation makes the situation worse. Constant connection with somebody gives relief. You can bear more if someone is there by your side.

Step 2: Sit back and Think it over

Once you let out your emotions, you can use your mind over your heart.

  • Ask yourself: What do you want the situation to be?
  • Find the crux. According to Dr. Hallowell crux is where the problem lies—it’s that integral part of the whole situation which hurts you or annoys you the most.
  • Try and be in the shoes of the person who hurt you.
  • Always remember–forgiveness is not ignoring the wrong. It is something to help you let go of the hatred.

Step 3: Act Rationally

According to Dr. Hallowell it is difficult, but rationality helps a lot to put your life back on track.

  • Neutralize the crux by getting rid of the anger that is stopping you from forgiving. Peace of mind through meditation surely helps.
  • Take note of what you have and give thanks.
  • Revenge mostly sounds sweet but don’t give in.
  • Be future oriented. Realize that everyone around you including you will be better-off once you get rid of the feeling of revenge.

Step 4: Renounce Your Anger and Remorse

Dr. Hallowell uses the word “renounce” because chances of permanent cure are seldom.

  • Your anger might comeback, realize this.
  • If it does, you know what to do!! Neutralize the crux once again and move on.
  • Be empathetic and try and teach others the art of forgiving.