Although this article is not supposed to be a checklist of sorts, but it can be a guidelines to find out whether your marriage is in troubles waters. The following common signs can be a giveaway that it might just be the case. There may however be a few situations when the following signs may not necessarily mean that your marriage is in trouble. You are requested to use your best judgment when carefully assessing each signs and then interpreting it.
Your partner is constantly trying to contact you, by making calls and trying to find out who you are with and what you are doing.
Every time you ask your partner to meet your family and friends, s/he avoids.
Of course s/he is important in your life but if you are too then s/he should be agreeing to meet the other people in your life who are also important to you. If s/he is avoiding this then s/he cannot be serious about the relationship.
You partner insists that s/he be doing everything with you
Although too some extent this can be romantic and even fun, but then, everything? Really, that is going too far. No mater how mad you two are about each other, you need some time off. A healthy relationship is one that gives a healthy time out even when the partners are committed to each other. It is of key importance that you are being able to keep your individual identity although you two are like one soul in two bodies. You partner does not have to be involved in everything that you do.
Your partner hates your family and your friends
It may be the case that s/he dislikes their company or even dislike a few of them in totality. However, s/he needs to at least show some respect towards them because these are the people that are important in your life.
Your partner refuses to have safe sex
This can be a serious matter and you should get to the bottom of this quickly. Your partner may continuously refuse to have safe sex and even go to the length of making a hole in the condom if you are using it. Why doesn’t she insist on having safe sex? Does she want to bind you into a forced marriage by getting pregnant? Don’t ever believe in when s/he says that it feels better when you are not using a condom. There can be no alternative to safe sex.
Your partner has a habit of constantly comparing you to his or her ex or in general other people
This is a clear sign that s/he wants to provoke a feeling of trying to overdo your efforts. This is a way of getting what s/he wants by constantly making you appear bad in comparison to others. Evidently when s/he does that you would feel that it is necessary to up the efforts and try to do better than his/her ex. Well that is the point and she is trying to do that.
Your partner tries to get you to quit doing the things you love
It is one thing that s/he is trying to get you away from your bad habits such as smoking and drinking for the sake of your good health and that s/he loves you. But is she trying to get rid of even the good habits such as your interest in music, your friends and even your passion for your work? She might be venturing too much into your private territory.
Your partner constantly tries to change you
Some people engaged in a relationship complain that their partners are constantly trying to change them, the way they dress, the way they behave and even what they eat. It is one thing completely when s/he is trying to incorporate some good things and completely different when she is trying to overhaul you. After all s/he fell in love with you for what you are and not what s/he thinks s/he can make out of you. You don’t have to change for getting her/his love.
Your partner needs you to drop everything for him or her
Call this over commitment or anything some times it comes to a point when your partner wants to know if you could leave everything behind for him/her. This is in a way good as it is you that s/he is falling in love with and it is only you that s/he sees in a relationship and wants to find out whether that love is going to be with him / her no matter what. But, these are extreme conditions and you need to judge when it is right.
Your partner hits, shoves, punches, or slaps you
Physical abuses are never right and they can be reason that your partner can land into trouble. If your partner is abusing you, hitting or slapping or in any way even intimidating you, try to get help. May be s/he needs more help than you do? Physical abuses are never acceptable no matter what ever be the situation and you should never cover your partner or feel embarrassed to talk about this in public.
Your partner withholds affection
This could be a form of abuse, however this is strictly emotional. If you and your partner sill have love between you then there should be no withholding of emotion. The problem could be some where else. Try and talk to you partner and find this out. You could be pleasantly surprised if your partner is a deep emotional person and you may have hurt him/her at that level to have brought on this situation.
Your partner gets you to do things by saying, “If you love me, you would…”
S/he is trying to play the manipulative game here again. She is trying to put pressure on you and then get you to do the things that s/he wants you to do. This is certainly not a good thing. You should be weary about such things and stay your distance.
Your partner forbids you from talking with your ex, or what he or she considers “potential threats.”
Although s/he at times wants to see whether you love him/her the most and would like to stay away from his/her competition; you should understand that all relationships are built on trust. If s/he wants to find out whether you love him or her there are other ways. In a relationship there should always be some space to allow trust to strengthen the relationship and not total control which is often considered to be the way to control a relationship.
Your partner wants to keep the relationship a secret
A friend of mine kept telling me that his girlfriend wants the relationship to be secret. She always loved him but somehow never really could not explain why she would like to keep their relationship from knowing to everybody. This is never a healthy sign and if there is true love between the two of you, then there is no harm in telling it to others. Well I am not insisting that you should tell it to others in order to make it successful but there is no reason for you two to be secretive about it either. Try to get to the bottom of the problem by finding out if there are any social problems in disclosing you as his/her girlfriend/boyfriend.