10 Ways to Take it Slow in a Relationship


Relationships take time to form and mature. People meet with each other, become known to each other, and decide that they want to spend time with each other and then go on to cement the relationship. However many couples fall into the danger of moving things too fast, such that their relationship or even themselves are not mature enough to handle the pressures and expectations.

This is not to advocate terminating the relationship but only to cool things for the moment such that you can catch your breath and assess the situation. Sometimes you may want to pause and look back at the frenetic progress you have made and also consider carefully whether this is a relationship you want to continue going ahead. During such times, it is important for you to be tactful and slow down the tempo without making your partner feel that you are reassessing the situation. It will do your long-term relationship a whole lot of good rather than damage it before its time.

Let us look at ten different ways to achieve this.

No.10 – Take her on group dates

You can start with taking her out on group dates. When you are with other people and having a good time, things take a different shape and the atmosphere is more like an outing of friends rather than a serious date. By this, you will get the time and opportunity to know more about her.

No.9 – Avoid relationship milestones

Since you want to slow down the pace at which the relationship is developing, you have to avoid doing the things that men who are serious about the relationship do. For example, you can continue avoiding meeting her parents or best friends. Remember that all these are specific relationship milestones and as long as you keep away from them for the moment, you are on track.

No.8 – Throw yourself into your work

One very important method of cooling down things is to meet her less frequently and pass less time with her. You obviously cannot just cut off meeting her abruptly and hence have to depend on your profession and the job to bail you out. When you take greater interest and get very much involved in your job, you will find that you automatically have a valid reason to avoid meeting her too frequently. This will also seem logical to her and the fact that you are focusing on your career will go down well with her.

No.7 – Take back your weekends

Another method is to spend your weekends with your other friends and utilize the time to catch up on pending things at your house. You have to strike the right balance of meeting her less frequently, but not making her feel that you are trying to slow things down deliberately. One thing you have to make sure is that you should not utilize this time to go out with other women. That will send a very negative signal to her and will definitely disrupt your relationship forever.

No.6 – Call less often

Normally serious partners keep in touch daily through the phone. Since you do not want to get to that stage as yet, you can try informing her that you would not be able to call her daily and perhaps give her a rough schedule of when you can call her. This way, you are toning down her expectations without being casual about it and by increasing the interim period of your calls, you are setting her up to get used to a different schedule that is in keeping with your plans and without seeming to cut her off abruptly.

No.5 – Have post-date plans

When you do have to meet your partner, limiting the time that you spend with your partner can go a long way in enabling you to achieve your objective of toning down the relationship. So you can meet her for lunch rather than dinner and this gives you an excuse to make an exit without seeming to hurt her or give her the feeling that you are trying your best to run down the tempo of the relationship. Basically, come out with some post date plans such that you do not have to prolong the duration of your date with your partner. On a Saturday afternoon, you can spend the lunch time with her and inform her about your date with some friends at dinner time. This way you will be able to keep your distance from her.

No.4 – Be contrary

If your relationship started like a whirlwind, she might think that it’s love. She might even start thinking you’re “Mr. Right” because you’ve become so close so quickly. In this situation, one of the ways to take it down a notch is to emphasize your differences. You don’t want to be a jerk about it, but don’t be afraid to suggest that the two of you might not be perfect for each other either. Maybe you’re the outdoorsy type and she’s a homebody. Go ahead and tease her with lines like, “I don’t know how you and I get along,” or “We’re never going to last.” A subtle reminder that you may not be as compatible as she thinks you are will help take things down a notch.

No.3 – Talk about your future

You can hint at the message that your partner is still not a part of your long term plans by indicating that you plan to move abroad in pursuit of a better career and concentrate on your profession. Marriage and kids need not be mentioned by you at this point in time. By talking only about you and what you intend doing, you are conveying the message in a subtle fashion that she is currently not in your scheme of things. This is totally different to the situation where people interested in a serious long term relationship, normally talk of things like, “The moment we save up sufficient dough, we can think of….”

No.2 – Avoid over-intimate talk

One sure way of speeding up a relationship before it is ready is to talk about all sorts of intimate matters that you won’t normally share to even your closest friends. So cut all of that out immediately! Stick to the more casual conversational topics and avoid going too deep into very private matters. Such things should only be shared in a much later stage of a relationship.

No.1 – Get out of town

If you find that you are not able to cut down on meetings with your partner or you are not able to provide her with enough justification for not meeting too often, you must step out of town with your friends and family. This will send a clear message that you have a life of your own and you have other commitments towards your family that you must fulfill.

These methods will help to cool down a speeding relationship. This may be the last thing on your mind to do but if you truly treasure this relationship, you’ll do everything necessary to ensure its survival. A relationship that goes too fast is surely bound for a catastrophic failure. So take it slow and let both of you grow gradually as your relationship blossoms.