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Old 02-03-2007, 02:17 PM   #1 (permalink)
Ba0bEi
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Default At 16, I can't care for both my kids

JANE is only 16 and already a mother.
Her son turns 2 this year, and she is now eight months' pregnant with a baby girl.



She first had sex when she was barely 14 with her former boyfriend, then 25.

Today Jane (not her real name) is full of regrets.

'I was curious and didn't think about the consequences. I was, and still am, too young for motherhood,' she said.

Jane may be too young, but there is at least one case of someone becoming a mother even before hitting her teens.

The New Paper reported yesterday that a 9-year-old girl became pregnant after having sex with her boyfriend from the same primary school.

The Primary 3 student had sex frequently with her boyfriend at her home.

Her parents found out only when she was six months pregnant. She gave birth in 2004.

Her son was subsequently given up for adoption.

The case has shocked counsellors and parents here, with one child psychiatrist believing that more children here are displaying 'sexualised behaviour'. (See report on facing page.)


CURIOUS ABOUT SEX


Jane said she became curious about sex when she was in Secondary 1, during sex education in school.

Before that, she claimed she knew nothing about sex.

Jane earns $400 a month as a telephone operator. She has two sisters, aged 14 and 10.

Her father takes home about $800 a month as a despatch rider. Her mother is a housewife.

Jane first had sex at 14. She and her then-boyfriend, introduced by a friend, had unprotected sex regularly.

She soon got pregnant, but tried to hide it from her parents by wearing loose clothes.

She starved herself, hoping to lose weight, so her bulging belly wouldn't be so obvious.

'I was terrified and didn't know what to do when I missed my periods. By the fourth month, my mother knew something was wrong when she realised I had not been using any sanitary pads or tampons.'

It was too late for an abortion.

She broke up with her boyfriend, and is no longer in touch with him.

Jane's parents decided against making a police report, for fear of embarrassment. Just before she gave birth, Jane dropped out of school.

Since then, she has been working part-time to take care of her son.

When she was 15, she met her second boyfriend, 22, who works in pest control, through another friend.

In the middle of last year, Jane realised she was pregnant again.

Again, she tried to hide her pregnancy from her family by wearing looser clothes.

This time, it was her grandmother who confronted her.

'I just told her I had put on weight, but she didn't believe me and told my mother. When she confronted me, I couldn't lie anymore.'

In December, Jane's mother sent her to the Andrew and Grace Home which houses nearly 60 girls aged 12 to 18.

She is intending to give up the child for adoption.

It was a painful decision, but Jane feels she has little choice.

'I don't want to, but my mother has told me to give up my baby. My family doesn't have the money to give her a good life,' she said.

'My mother thinks I'm too young to cope with two children. I don't want to give up my baby, but I don't know what else to do.'


PARENTS SHOCKED

She is preparing to take her O levels as a private candidate.

'I now realise that I shouldn't have done certain things without thinking of the consequences. I was young and curious, and made some bad mistakes,' she said.

'I regret it now, but what can I do?'

The case of the 9-year-old girl has shocked and worried parents like Mrs John Lim, 49, who does administrative work.

The mother of two girls, aged 10 and 15, and a boy, aged 18, said such cases have made her more conscious of educating her children about sex.

She also controls what the children are exposed to.

She considers MTV unsuitable and locks the channel at home so her kids can't watch it.

She said her husband programmed the cable TV set-top box to block the signal from that channel so that when her kids click on it, there are no images.

She has also told her elder daughter to be careful when blogging as she may not know who she is really talking to online.

And since her children started school, she has told them the difference between a 'good' and 'bad' touch.

'Hand-holding is all right but not any other part of the body,' she said.

Housewife Sylvia Tan allows her 9-year-old son to use the computer only when she's at home with him.

Said Madam Tan, 35, who also has a 7-year-old daughter: 'My son can switch on the computer only with my permission and I check on what he does.

'His friends are also not allowed to come as they please. They are too young.'

But Mr Sebastian Anthony, 44, a manager in the property industry, believes the best way to show his son how to respect girls is to lead by example.

He openly hugs and kisses his wife, Grace, in front of their three children, at home.

They have a son, aged 10, and two daughters, aged 8 and 9.

He explained: 'We are not shy about showing our love for each other and it gives them that stability at home.

'We also explain that this love is not to be abused and teach our son to respect girls.'

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