Paget has another take. Men can run to the doctor because they have new drugs, but they didn’t used to go either. Mike Ditka and Bob Dole and that really cute woman wearing her man’s dress shirt (and calling him “my man”) made it OK.
She argues that younger women, say women under 30, aren’t really that reluctant to talk sex, partly because of the foundation laid by their feminist forebears and partly because of the “medicalization” of women’s sexuality, which has made the topic a health issue, not a moral one, just like male impotence.
Still, many women either won’t talk about dissatisfaction or don’t know what level of satisfaction is possible. They wind up receptive to what comes their way in a sexual relationship, rather than, in Davidson’s words “going in with your own agenda, your own self determination. Women need to focus on our own erotic life. We need to value and cherish our sexuality and eroticism and then invite partners to partake of what we have already discovered.”
'The laundry can wait'
Most of the books out there are primers on how to do just that and most suggest, as Clayton does, that women “self-stimulate" (for those of you not in the sexology profession, that's masturbation). The goal, Clayton says, is to learn about your body and how it reacts, and a little about your mind, too. What are you thinking about? Do you like it fast, slow, hard, soft?
Second, speak up. Speak up to your doctor if necessary, but be absolutely sure to speak up to your lover.
“Guys are not saying, ‘Do not tell me. I don’t want to know,’” Clayton says. “Women are the ones keeping these secrets.”
“Women are more careful not to say something that could be injurious to a partner’s feelings or ego,” says Paget.
But it’s not just asking a man for more or different. Women should ask themselves hard questions about their sexual lives and what they can change, regardless of how great a lover a man is.
Far too many women fail to define themselves sexually. “We define ourselves as workers, wives, mothers, daughters. We prioritize those things, and then we put sex low on the list. No guy does this to us. We do it to ourselves.”
Men place it right up there with, say, breathing. “A bomb could go off in the house and if a guy is having sex, he can go on having sex,” Clayton says. “A woman can hear a pin drop and think something’s wrong” and stop immediately.
Yet, if the slew of new books and hours of seminars and advice are at all true, women can find sexual happiness.
“We can change,” Clayton believes. “We can tell ourselves that the laundry can wait. Let’s go have sex.”
Brian Alexander, a California-based freelance writer and contributing editor for Glamour magazine, is working on a new book about sex for Harmony, an imprint of Crown Publishing. 
XOXO
Aden To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. |